'Scraping the Barrel' Jokes

[David Dorning]

I may have posted this before, at my age I can’t remember....

What’s the difference between a costermonger and a dachshund?

A costermonger bawls out his wares on the pavement - and you can guess the rest

 

[Colin the Bear]

An old customer of mine gave me this sterling advice.

If there's a family history of altzheimers you should look after your feet. They'll get a lot of use when your memory goes.

And then there's them old pre decimal limericks that nobody under 60 gets

Mary had a metal cow
She milked it with a spanner
The milk came out in shilling tins
And small ones for a tanner.

 

[taiwanpaul]

Some of these jokes are so weak, they're almost a fortnight!

 

[GCinCT]

How late does the band play? About a half beat behind the drummer.
How can a jazz musician end up with a million dollars? Start with two million.

A band is playing a dance when a woman goes up to the trumpet player and asks, "Can you play Beyond the Sea?"
The trumpet player responds, "Lady, I have enough trouble hitting the Bflat!"

 

[Targa]

'Welsh Comedians’ by Dai Laffyn
‘Art and Culture’ by Phyllis Stein
‘How to make a fortune' by Robin Banks
‘Decolletage' by Seymour Bust
‘Back Problems’ by Eileen Bent
‘More Back problems' by Jerry Attrick
‘The Fallen Woman' by Lucy Lastic
‘Lion Taming for Beginners’ by Claude Bothom
‘Breath of Fresh Air’ by Hal E. Tosis
‘Seaside Amusements’ by Penny R. Cade
‘Bacteria’ by Mike Robes
‘Eating Disorders’ by Anna Recksia
‘Dentistry’ by Phil McCavity
'Protective Headwear' by Edina Boucette.

 

[chock]

Caddy .... 'You're Standing too close to the Ball'
Golfer .... 'What...When I 'Address' it'?
Caddy .... 'Nah!... After you've Hit it'

 

[GCinCT]

"Fell on My Ass" by I.C. Pavement

 

[Alice]

"Fell on My Ass" by I.C. Pavement

I have a book by that author too! It’s called “Drunk as a skunk”!

 

[Moz]

The Booker Prize joint winners...

Cat in the Bed by Claude Balls
and
Russian Fleas by Ivan Ellavanitch

 

[Alice]

I bet Claude Balls and Claude Botham are arch rivals in the literary world

 

[Targa]

'Vandalising public transport' by Claude de Bussy.
'Scratching a living' by Claude Money.

 

[GCinCT]

'Vandalising public transport' by Claude de Bussy.
'Scratching a living' by Claude Money.

In that vein, "1960's Discotechs" by Vincent Van GoGo

 

[Ne0Wolf7]

Heres a cheat sheet: Funny Book Titles

 

[chock]

 

[Alice]

Female crocodile 1 "Nice purse!'
Female crocodile 2 "Thanks! It's my ex husband! "

 

[chock]

There was a prison break and I saw a Midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little Condescending.

 

[Alice]

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

 

[chock]

'Scraping the Barrel' Jokes

'I've Created A Monster'

 

[Ne0Wolf7]

A grasshopper goes to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, we got drink named after you," and the grasshopper says "You got a drink named Sherman?"

 

[chock]

A grasshopper goes to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, we got drink named after you," and the grasshopper says "You got a drink named Sherman?"

That 's an American Joke... isn't it?