A rope wanted to go into a bar that didn't serve ropes. He got an idea and twisted himself into a knot and fluffed up his top and walked into the bar. The bartender asked, "Are you a rope?" The rope answered, "No, I'm a frayed knot".
A duck walked into a store and asked for a tube of chapstick. The clerk said, "How are you going to pay for that?" The duck said, "Just put it on my bill".