'Scraping the Barrel' Jokes

David Dorning

Senior Member
Subscriber
Messages
590
Location
Chichester, UK
#41
I may have posted this before, at my age I can’t remember....

What’s the difference between a costermonger and a dachshund?

A costermonger bawls out his wares on the pavement - and you can guess the rest
 

Colin the Bear

Well-Known Member
Messages
11,237
Location
Burnley bb9 9dn
#42
An old customer of mine gave me this sterling advice.

If there's a family history of altzheimers you should look after your feet. They'll get a lot of use when your memory goes.

And then there's them old pre decimal limericks that nobody under 60 gets

Mary had a metal cow
She milked it with a spanner
The milk came out in shilling tins
And small ones for a tanner.
 

GCinCT

Seeker of truth and beauty
Subscriber
Messages
277
Location
Oneonta, NY
#44
How late does the band play? About a half beat behind the drummer.
How can a jazz musician end up with a million dollars? Start with two million.

A band is playing a dance when a woman goes up to the trumpet player and asks, "Can you play Beyond the Sea?"
The trumpet player responds, "Lady, I have enough trouble hitting the Bflat!"
 

Targa

Among the pigeons
Subscriber
Messages
7,891
Location
KIC 8462852
#45
'Welsh Comedians’ by Dai Laffyn
‘Art and Culture’ by Phyllis Stein
‘How to make a fortune' by Robin Banks
‘Decolletage' by Seymour Bust
‘Back Problems’ by Eileen Bent
‘More Back problems' by Jerry Attrick
‘The Fallen Woman' by Lucy Lastic
‘Lion Taming for Beginners’ by Claude Bothom
‘Breath of Fresh Air’ by Hal E. Tosis
‘Seaside Amusements’ by Penny R. Cade
‘Bacteria’ by Mike Robes
‘Eating Disorders’ by Anna Recksia
‘Dentistry’ by Phil McCavity
'Protective Headwear' by Edina Boucette.
 
Last edited:
Messages
190
Location
Long Island
#59
A grasshopper goes to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, we got drink named after you," and the grasshopper says "You got a drink named Sherman?"
 
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