Reeds reed comparisons.

jadoube · Feb 28, 2009

A technical question.

If one were to remove the AP core from the shell and place a bari mouthiece in the sabot what reed would work best? And what note would sound at muzzle velocity?

stephen_howard · Feb 28, 2009

Mr.Git Esq,

I should also inform you that the last time Messrs Sue et al won a case it was in a tombola at East Cheam Residents Association Annual Fete, and even then there were rumours of fixing given that one of the company partners was appointed the task of drawing the raffle tickets out of the tumbler.

I remain unconcerned by your artillery-related posturing - you should be aware that the 1777 'Code Duello' states that all fireams will have smooth bores, and after your Royal Marine chappie has finished with it your Opheclide will have more wrinkles than Nora Batty's stockings, thus rendering it illegal for use in this instance.
I can assure you my Opheclide has a smooth bore - his name is Peter Stringfellow, and he will sit astride the turret of the Chieften during the course of the duel whereby he may taunt you with lewd and lascivious anecdotes.

I am also quite unperturbed by your financial demands on the basis that it is well known that Messrs Sue ( et al ) only work for cash in hand, of which you have none ( QED ).

I should also inform you that the duel will take place in Mornington Crescent. My second will forward directions in due course, but you should be aware that double-backing on Baker Street will only be allowed if you have commenced your journey south of Bank.

I remain etc etc....

old_git · Feb 28, 2009

A technical query, well two actually

1) Is arrival permitted at Mornington Crescent with only a Freedom Pass, usually referred to as a Bus Pass?

2) How long have you been doing "period restorations"? I only ask as the girlfriend is getting broody.

[color:blue]MODERATOR NOTE [added 12.33 28/2/09]

That was below the belt. Please refrain.[/color]

stephen_howard · Feb 28, 2009

old git wrote:
A technical query, well two actually

1) Is arrival permitted at Mornington Crescent with only a Freedom Pass, usually referred to as a Bus Pass?

2) How long have you been doing "period restorations"? I only ask as the girlfriend is getting broody.

[color:blue]MODERATOR NOTE [added 12.33 28/2/09]

That was below the belt. Please refrain.[/color]

Yes, you can use a bus pass but you haven't been allowed to carry an Opheclide on public transport since the 1897, when the Offensive Musical Instruments Act was passed.

As regards your good lady, I recommend bathing the effected parts in a lukewarm solution of Watney's Milk Stout, to which a ground nutmeg, a clove of garlic ( crushed ) and a shredded copy of the sheet music to Herman's Hermits "I'm Telling You Now" has been added.
The patient should be kept cool by regularly wafting a tenor banjo in the vicinity.

I have no idea whether this will work - but I'm very much enjoying the image.

Yours etc etc....

old_git · Mar 1, 2009

Mr. Howard,

The doctor and his second opinion, has forbidden me from duelling for at least three years owing to yesterday's testing misfortune.

As a result of installing a faulty ex Scottish Great Highland Bagpipe one way valve in my instrument, when the testing charge was initiated, I suffered severe burns to my lips and fingertips. The removal of my fingertips and thus finger prints, could be considered an advantage in my trade but as you are aware, the effects of cryogenic and overheating damage is the same, severe dehydration, which accounts for the delay and the addition of several gallons of Guinness and forty year old Glenfiddich to the claim.

As this is a direct result of your original article and subsequent challenge, all costs will be in addition to those claimed in the present Court Action.

Trusting this finds you in rude health and wealth.

stephen_howard · Mar 2, 2009

Dear Mr. Git,

It is regrettable that your unfortunate accident has caused you so much personal pain and inconvenience, and that we are unable to meet upon the field of honour ( or more strictly speaking, the front garden of Mrs. C. Trellis of Mornington Crescent ).

I took the liberty of consulting my manservant on the matter - in his previous engagement as a fluffer ( something to do with soft furnishing, so he tells me ) he found that his income was less than expected and took part-time work as a Sommelier for a deposed foreign royal by the name of King Burger...a German chappy, I suspect - and he assures me that that you needn't waste what scant funds you have on Guinness and Glendfiddich - you'd be better off buying a catering-size drum of Cillit Bang, which, he tells me, will be both far more efficacious and flavoursome as well as being considerably cheaper. He recommends serving it chilled in a sour-glass, with a sprig of broccoli on the side.

I have also asked a medical colleague of my acquaintance to call upon you. Lovely chap, most agreeable, name of Alan - but you can call him Al.
He specialises in fingers, hence his nickname 'Digit Al'.
I would, however, strongly advise you to refuse any offer he might make of a game of Canasta - he has been ejected from several gambling establishments for card counting.

Yours etc etc...