Joke of the day.................

[Alice]

I’m going on a cruise this spring and want to look good in my bathing suit, so I bought myself a dvd of nautical themed exercise routines. It’s called “Ship Shape”.

 

[sax panther]

A joke is a joke until unpleasantness creeps in. This morning a man in the car park pelted me with eggs, milk, bits of cheese. How dare he!!!

one guy hit me over the head with a block of cheddar. I said that's not very mature.

 

[JazzMatt]

one guy hit me over the head with a block of cheddar. I said that's not very mature.

Did you shout 'Cam on Bert'?

 

[Targa]

I’m going on a cruise this spring and want to look good in my bathing suit, so I bought myself a dvd of nautical themed exercise routines. It’s called “Ship Shape”.

Is that by the same people who publish the bikini catalogue 'Bristol Fashion'?

 

[sax panther]

Did you shout 'Cam on Bert'?

no, I had to tread very caerphilly

 

[Jeanette]

no, I had to tread very caerphilly

Feta safe than sorry

Jx

 

[sax panther]

Feta safe than sorry

Jx

Indeed - got into a big fight at a French cheese factory once, made a hell of a mess. There was de brie everywhere.

 

[Jeanette]

Ewe gouda been more careful!

Jx

 

[JazzMatt]

Time to shoot the Brie-zzzzz

 

[kevgermany]

Did Tiny Tim put his stilts on to tiptoe through the tulips?

 

[sax panther]

Time to shoot the Brie-zzzzz

This string of cheese jokes is really grate.

 

[JazzMatt]

I've given up Viagra for lent, but I'm really missing it. Not sure how long I can keep it up for.

Sorry, it's a real cheesy joke

 

[Alice]

Don’t worry.... I’m sure your missus is still fondue of you

 

[spike]

What's a matter baby?
Nothing Darling

 

[Targa]

There was a wine and cheese party at the church hall but I got there late and was met at the door by the vicar who handed me a plate with some leerdammer, jarlsberg and emmental and a bottle of water and said
'I'm glad you're here holey cheeses we're out of wine'.

 

[JazzMatt]

When I told my girlfriend I was looking at flights on the internet, she got very excited!

Which was odd as she's never shown an interest in darts before.

 

[Moz]

A man jumps out of a plane and his parachute fails to open. Reconciling himself to certain death he sees a man coming upwards at great speed.

The first man shouts over "Do you know anything about parachutes?"

"No", says the second man, "Do you know anything about gas ovens?"

 

[Colin the Bear]

Which reminds me of...

Oops forgot...no politics or religion. That's most of my jokes

 

[altissimo]

An old man was lying on his death bed speaking to his wife who was many years his junior.
He asked her when he died if she would re-marry. She said she likely would.
He then asked her would you give him my car? She said she would.
He asked if she would you give her new husband my golf clubs? Again she said she likely would.
Would you give him my saxophone? She said no, he plays trumpet.

 

[Moz]

I saw a chameleon once, it was a pretty rubbish chameleon.