Joke of the day.................

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135
Location
Lanjaron, Granada, Spain.
She was dressed for shopping.
"Hey ! I've bought the paint and the brush, all you have to do is paint the front porch, make sure you get it done before I get back."
He watched his wife's retreating figure, and taking a beer out of the fridge, went out the back, to sit on the verandah. Maybe something would turn up ...
Half way through the beer, a boy scout turned up, asking if he could do any odd jobs ....
"Sure - go out front and paint the porch."
It was that easy: his faith in the universe was restored.
Until half an hour later --
"I've finished Mister - but it's not a Porche, it's a Mercedes."
 

Jeanette

Organizress
Cafe Moderator
Messages
23,464
Location
Cheshire UK
I was explaining to my grandson that many years ago when I was a young lad, all I got for Christmas was an apple and an orange. He said ‘Wow! A computer and a phone”

Jx
 

Jeanette

Organizress
Cafe Moderator
Messages
23,464
Location
Cheshire UK
Apparently men have feelings too for example they feel hungry. On that note I'm off to the kitchen as I've been reminded women belong there. But do you know why women live longer than men?

There are lots of knives in the kitchen :)

Jxxx
 

Pete Thomas

Chief of Stuff
Cafe Moderator
Messages
11,701
Location
The Blue Ridge Mountains
Just a thought, many of these can use the spoiler feature for maybe better comic timing, e.g:



Apparently men have feelings too for example they feel hungry. On that note I'm off to the kitchen as I've been reminded women belong there.
There are lots of knives in the kitchen :)
 

Jules

Formerly known as "nachoman"
Messages
4,395
Location
brighton by the sea
A Fedex driver knocks on a door. A ten year old kid answers it- wearing his mother’s dress- with a glass of wine in one hand and a lit cigar in the other.
“Hi- are you mum and dad in?” said the driver…
“what do you think?” said the kid…
 
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Colin the Bear

Well-Known Member
Messages
11,725
Location
Burnley bb9 9dn
Funny day today. It was time for my medication review. Couldn't get the repeat prescription without seeing the new doc. In I goes.

"Right. Behind the screen and take all your clothes off"

"But..."

"Behind the screen and take all your clothes off"

Behind the screen I met a naked shivering man.

"This guy is a bit keen. I've only come for a repeat prescription"

"That's nothing. I've only come to read the meter"
 

Alan G

Member
Subscriber
Messages
111
Location
Wallasey, UK
A man went to a fancy dress party and when he arrived the doorman asked "what have you come as?" "A harp" he replied.
"You look a bit small for a harp"
"Are you calling me a lyre?"
 
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