The Worst Gig I Ever Played

Targa

Among the pigeons
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#41
I can’t really remember this film but there is a certain familiarity about it. I watched this clip and mostly thought how sweet it was... so sedate in comparison to a strip club today. Not that I’ve ever been to any... apart from one “Chippendale” hen night, which was absolutely unbelievable. I was expecting David Dickinson and some sort of “Bargain Hunt.”
I suppose you expected them to be
Woody Guthrie
Woody Hermann
Woody Harrelson
Woody Allen
and
 

Nick Wyver

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Minster On Sea
#43
Sticking with the somewhat dubious theme of the last few posts - the weirdest gig (but not the worst) was playing in a pub with some nice Eastern European ladies pole dancing directly in front of the band. Their clothing was notable mainly by its absence.
Worst gig would take a lot more cogitation, although I could mention the not exactly a gig but a rehearsal.
Back in the 80s a friend recommended me to a rockabilly band who were rehearsing in Radio Luxembourg studios. Apparently they wanted a sax player. Not me though. I hadn't a clue. All I had at the time was an alto and my gigging experience was mainly playing prog rock. "Acutely embarrassing" probably sums up the session. 30 something years later I could do it blindfolded, with one hand tied behind my back, against a strong headwind - but not then.
 

Jules

Formerly known as "nachoman"
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brighton by the sea
#44
The worst gig I’ve ever played. My first thought- there are a few different definitions of worst… I’ve played flute on outdoor gigs where a cross wind meant I literally couldn’t make any noise out of the thing, a punky sort of gig where our lead singer knocked himself unconscious after about 15 minutes on stage but the one which really made me cringe was a wedding gig in Reading many years ago. Lovely couple who booked us but the degree to which the two families obviously hated each others guts- ouch. It was even to the extent of there being a wide gap down the centre of the room as they gave each other evil glares during our set. Felt like saying to the bride and groom- “come on, jump in our van- come to Brighton- away from these awful people & make a new life”
 

Jules

Formerly known as "nachoman"
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#45
Sticking with the somewhat dubious theme of the last few posts - the weirdest gig (but not the worst) was playing in a pub with some nice Eastern European ladies pole dancing directly in front of the band. Their clothing was notable mainly by its absence.
.
Reminds me of a Fat45 gig at about 4am at Glastonbury festival one year.... our bari player "I shut my eyes, blew a great solo- there was a massive cheer. Then I opened my eyes and realised- the cheer wasn't for my solo, some woman had jumped up on stage and taken all her clothes off!"
 

jbtsax

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#46
Oh dear you chaps have jogged my old memory once again. In the late 1970's we played 3 nights a week in a popular singles bar. We played some jazz tunes like Misty and Satin Doll, but also Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown, and Tie a Yellow Ribbon (I hate that tune) and other "popular" tunes of the day. One of the "regulars" we got to know was a quite attractive lady who would come in and ask men to dance with her. One night she had too much to drink and got on the dance floor by herself and started to "bump and grind". The band obliged her by segueing into "St. Louis Blues" as raunchy as we could play it. The patrons cheered her on and she was down to a bra and panties before the bar tender/owner wisked her away. It turned out she was a well known "hooker" who came to the bar to find clients. We didn't know about her artificial limb below one knee until that night. You can't make this stuff up.
 
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#47
One lousy gig comes back to me from many, many years ago. It's funny, but I still feel a twinge of resentment when I recall that evening. I was playing 1st alto (a late 1920s, silver-plated Conn New Wonder Series II) in the big-band of a well known school which was founded in the 15th Century. In short, it was very traditional - black gowns, canings and compulsory Latin etc. Single-sex, obviously. All very 1950s-style, and not unlike what you can see in the movie "If..."

The gig (unpaid) was staged at some religious retreat near the school, but a few miles out in the country. It was a scorching summer evening, and all the guests were decked out in their summer finery, drinking chilled wine with strawberries in it plus various canapes and nibbles etc. Lots of teachers plus their wives were there, and even a few monks (no, I'm not kidding!) in brown monastic garb. Weird... Various women were also in attendance, clad their summer frocks - plenty of chiffon in those days. It happened so long ago that I can't recall what it was all about - but obviously it was a summer party of some sort.

I was 18 years old - but we all had to wear full school uniforms (complete with ties) despite the heat and humidity in the atrium. Those cheapskates only offered us glasses of "orangeade" (actually, it was concentrated orange cordial with tap-water added) and not even one sandwich or even a bag of crisps - whilst the so-called "elite" in front of us swilled wine and scoffed various delicacies/sweet-meats all evening. We were all hungry by the end of the second set, needless to say.

We must have played 4 sets of 30 mins each. At the end, I tried to blag a drink one glass of the wine and some canapes - and swiftly got hauled over the coals by the teachers in attendance. Oh no, any treats were off-limits to the plebs - strictly verboten you understand. Only the elite could appreciate such tasty morsels. The prevailing attitude seemed to be along the lines of "Let them eat cake" - sort of like Marie Antoinette when told the peasants were starving.

Perhaps I wouldn't have minded so much if I hadn't heard the wise-cracks of some of the teachers making small-talk e.g. how the band sounded so better the more wine they drank etc. That was unfair because actually we were pretty good for an amateur band, and were doing the gig entirely gratis. We played our hearts out, and got.... nothing. None of the band really wanted to play that gig, but we were "persuaded" (i.e. got our arms twisted by the school) to do it.

I remember bristling at the unfairness of it all at the time, not that it made any difference. The experience completely destroyed any residual respect I had for the school and its values. To me, it was all hypocritically hollow. I really couldn't wait to bail-out after A-levels.
 
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Andrew Sanders

Northern Commissioner for Caslm
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#48
They always are, the sexiest instruments in the universe. One at a time ladies!! Or perhaps.........
Seventies Carry on Films lost all of their charm and became more like Confessions of ...... films.
 
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#54
Another odd one for you. Back in the 70s I played a dinner dance for deaf people. There was a guy on the dance floor with a big stick that he banged on the floor in time to the music. He put signs on top of the stick to indicate the type of dance; quickstep, foxtrot, pop, etc.
 

sax panther

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#55
worst gig for me...December 23rd a few years ago when he had torrential rain and gale force winds on the South Coast. My kitchen roof was leaking, I had 16 pots and pans out to catch the drips. Had to go and do a work christmas party gig with a latin band. The only person that remotely enjoyed the latin music was the person that booked us. The rest of the employees just wanted to get drunk and have a go on the accordian, we kept having to fend them off. Couldn't stop thinking about my leaky kitchen, I'd left my girflriend in charge of running around emptying the saucepans, I relieved her when I got back about 1am.

worst gig for someone else...back in school, I was in the choir, aged about 13 and one of the singers, errrrm, soiled themselves on stage. We had a choice at school of wearing shorts or trousers. For some reason this guy always wore shorts, even in winter. All of his classmates, and their parents, had to watch as it slid down his leg and plopped on the floor. He's now actually very successful, and has been on a popular TV series several times....

While I'm on that unsavoury subject, I also know someone who went for an ambitious high note on trumpet and 'followed through' on stage. I've been nervous about altissimo ever since.

Isle of Wight Festival was pretty annoying this year too, we parked up, got told to walk to gate 5 with all our gear which took a while, gate 5 said they wouldn't let us in and we had to go to gate 6. Lugged all the gear to gate 6. Gate 6 said no, you can't come in here, artists need to go to gate 5. Lugged all the gear back ready for another argument. Very frustrating.
 

Alice

Psychedelic
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Kent
#56
worst gig for someone else...back in school, I was in the choir, aged about 13 and one of the singers, errrrm, soiled themselves on stage. We had a choice at school of wearing shorts or trousers. For some reason this guy always wore shorts, even in winter. All of his classmates, and their parents, had to watch as it slid down his leg and plopped on the floor. He's now actually very successful, and has been on a popular TV series several times....

While I'm on that unsavoury subject, I also know someone who went for an ambitious high note on trumpet and 'followed through' on stage. I've been nervous about altissimo ever since.
Is there a "TMI" rating?! :rofl:
 

spike

Old Indian
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#58
Residency gig at a sea-front hotel in Durban S.A. one night I had stomach ache.
My girlfriend at the time, a nurse, gave me some tablets to help me make it through the night and ease my pain.
Spent the whole night on-the-run from the stage to the men's room and back.
Turned out she'd given me laxatives. She, the band and most of the audience were highly amused.
Grrrrr. :doh: Sax on the runs.
 
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Houston Texas
#59
WORST gig bullet points: Conroe Texas - booked a three hour gig - they wanted pure country/i no gotta country - two people asked me to please stop playing that "horn thing" and sing another song - after 1 hour the room was almost empty- after 1 hour of making noise, the owner paid me for three hours and asked me to leave -
BEST gig bullet points: Wedding gig - In between tunes, the sexiest woman that I've known walked up to me and wispered into my ear
"When I get you home, I'm going to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX"..
 

ptg

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#60
WORST gig bullet points: Conroe Texas - booked a three hour gig - they wanted pure country/i no gotta country - two people asked me to please stop playing that "horn thing" and sing another song - after 1 hour the room was almost empty- after 1 hour of making noise, the owner paid me for three hours and asked me to leave -
BEST gig bullet points: Wedding gig - In between tunes, the sexiest woman that I've known walked up to me and wispered into my ear
"When I get you home, I'm going to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX"..
And is that the present Mrs. s.mundi? ;)
 
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