Suggestions required.

[old_git]

I have a dilemma. Since I won the Hartley-Snodgrass Extreme Laziness Award at Public School three consecutive years, thus gaining the trophy in perpetuity, I have attempted to continue in the same vein.
I am looking for a musical instrument that requires very little input, preferably none, to replace the tenor saxophone which is proving challenging in requiring supporting, blowing and moving those very heavy spring loaded pads. The flute requires less in air, weight and pad operation but is still exhausting.
I could go back to trombone but until they invent the motor driven slide and find something less heavy than the water spray and lubricant bottles to carry around, that will be for the future. A Theramin was tried but the power switch was extremely heavy in operation and I could only manage a minor third in range.
Player pianos require pedalling, CD playing includes operating those heavy buttons on the remote and certain spacial skills in placing the disc in the drawer or in its jewel box.
Any suggestions, preferably non-offensive and physically possible would be appreciated.

 

[Pete Thomas]

Jew's harp. I have a whole range of them. A very underrated instrument.

One finger and heavy breathing is all that's required (no sniggering at the back of the class please).

 

[old_git]

But I'm a Gentile!

 

[Jules]

The great Seasick Steve (and many other one man blues bands) have an array of stompable, kickable percussion- that's pretty good for minimal effort (Steve has a cigar box with a PZM that he refers to as his Mississipi Drum Machine!).
Or what about harmonicas- one of the easiest instruments to play which lying on the sofa?

 

[dave_mac]

Paper and Comb? You can always use the paper as a tissue to mop your perspiring brow!

Dave.

 

[PaulyT]

To me,Bill, It's obvious!! You need a Theremin. This is the only musical instrument in history that does not require banging, plucking, blowing or sucking. You don't even need to be near it to play it if you place it by the catflap - the cats movements will play it. Might scare the sh*t out of the poor cat the first time but he'll get used to it!
You play it by moving your hand, elbow, head, knee, cat etc. in and out of a magnetic (?) electrothingy field. This produces a sound that varies from a high pitch to a bass pitch.
If you've had a good skinful the night before and your hands are a bit shaky, you can get a good vibrato going!!
I think you'll agree, the ultimate lazy mans instrument!!
PaulyT

 

[old_git]

Paul, me old dear, you've mislaid your reading spectacles, haven't you or are your cataracts getting worse?
When the nurse comes with your tea and unties you from the bed, ask her to read you the fourth paragraph of my post, preferably after you've taken your medicine. Please remember that cats need feeding, which is expensive, tiring, stressful and the fur makes me sneeze.

 

[PaulyT]

You may have dismissed the Theramin, old chap, but when once you carer has switched it on, it's on for life! You can waft gently past on your way to the cocktail bar waving a languid hand nonchelantly in and out of the field of operation, or whatever it's called, making sweet music with nary an effort. No!! A Theramin is definitely the instrument you need!
Now where's my bloody specs?
:laugh:

 

[Taz]

The perfect solution to those who are economical in the movement department.
Firstly, you will require the assistance of your carer. He or she, will have been supplied, by their boss, with a small amount of medical supplies, including micro-pore tape.
Now, here's the technical part, so pay attention.
Get your carer to apply a small amount of micro-pore tape (it is hypoallergenic as well) to the end of your nose, Then, having purchased one first, (also minimal cost to one so obviously frugal) attach the micro-pore to your Kazoo, placing the mouthpiece of the instrument into your left (or right, depending on your preference) nostril et voila! the sweet sound of music wherever your wheelchair is pushed, (I presume a man of your calibre doesn't "self propel")
Now you can play accompaniments for tunes like Mama's got a squeeze box (you do the in and out and in and out bit) :laugh:
I feel sure that the other members of this caring site will have many more useful suggestions or tunes that you could manage on your "naze-o-kazoo"
Happy blowing 😉

 

[Taz]

Pete Thomas wrote:
Jew's harp. I have a whole range of them. A very underrated instrument.

One finger and heavy breathing is all that's required (no sniggering at the back of the class please).

Can also cause tremendous pain when twanged incorrectly :laugh: :laugh:

 

[Taz]

oops

 

[Mikec]

Pete Thomas wrote:
Jew's harp. I have a whole range of them. A very underrated instrument.

One finger and heavy breathing is all that's required (no sniggering at the back of the class please).

They sound fantastic with a bit of reverb and a small delay. Easy to hyperventilate whilst playing though.

How about this? http://www.global.yamaha.com/products/music/tenori-on.html

 

[Col9]

There is only one instrument that has feather light keys, is effortless to play, sounds great and can be fully supported sitting down, Looks fantastic and sounds amazing..................................................

THE SAX-A-BOOM

http://www.zippyvideos.com/1212190365342936/picture_443/

You know you have to get one.
Col.

 

[Djangette]

Does a flute require less blowing? 🙁 - I'm probably doing it wrong *sigh*

Harmonicas wouldn't be any good as you'd have to suck as well as blow . . .

. . . have you tried a shakey egg? You could change arms when one got tired 🙂

Or, better still, that thing Rolf Harris advertised before he became famous for crying over sick animals - the Stylophone

<shows age and runs

:laugh:

 

[Saxlicker]

How about the Star Wars theme on a stylophone?

That casts a net around a certain age group and if you fit in that group don't pretend you've never tried it.

 

[Col9]

[No message]

 

[sparrow]

Actually, this is quite good.

Although the sax synth is crepe.

http://www.korg.co.uk/products/dance_dj/kaossilator/kaossilator.asp

 

[losaavedra]

You could always take up conducting ... just requires waving the odd arm about and nodding occasionally to those doing all the huffing and puffing (and the bum notes are never your fault!)

 

[Bobby G]

Bill, for this musical endeavour you need no instrument, equipment or teeth - try whistling! You could be the next Roger Whittaker :laugh:

 

[Jules]

Sparrow wrote:
Actually, this is quite good.

Although the sax synth is crepe.

http://www.korg.co.uk/products/dance_dj/kaossilator/kaossilator.asp

n=one of my trumpet player buddies used to use one of these whilep alying the trumpet (only one hnad needed for each instrument) 'twas pretty impressive!