Miscellaneous Surreal Insurance quote true story

[Pete Thomas]

Today I decided to see if the RAC could give me a better quote on car insurance than Admiral. Here's how the conversation went:

RAC: What is your occupation Mr Thomas?
PT: I'm a music producer

RAC: Sorry we don't have producer listed as an occupation in the music sector, you could be a publisher, retailer, or instrument maker in that sector.
PT: None of those, I'm a producer.

RAC: Sorry, that's not listed, could it be anything else?
PT: Try composer

RAC: Sorry Mr Thomas, we don't have composer either.
PT: OK, maybe we could be more generic, can you put me down as a company director?

RAC: Yes, no problem we have company director, what sector should I say?
PT: Music

RAC: Sorry, we don't have music as a sector for company director.
PT: OK, sounds like the RAC will not be able to insure me then.

RAC: Wait though, we do have the option of putting the closest thing, and then making a note about what you actually do.
PT: OK, that sounds useful, can you look up producer in your list of occupations, just put me down as producer and then say in the notes what I produce.

RAC: Let me see, yes we do have producer!
PT: Great, just me down as a producer

RAC: OK, but which sector would be a producer in? I have to put a sector.
PT: Music

RAC: Ah, I see we don't have that as a sector for producer. Actually the only sector we have for producer is honey. Honey producer.
PT: Perfect. Put me down as a honey producer, but make a note that I'm not actually a bee, and that instead of honey, I produce music.

RAC: Yes, I can do that no problem
PT: Thank you very much.

 

[Jeanette]

Brilliant, honey 🙂

Jx

 

[Jeanette]

Actually, I got a good quote with Direct Line this year


Jx

 

[Pete Thomas]

Brilliant, honey 🙂

Thank you, sweetie pie.

 

[trimmy]

Thank you, sweetie pie.

Should of said....Honey bunch 😉

Ps. Was the quote a good un

 

[kevgermany]

You couldn't make that up.

 

[jimmylh]

Reminds me of Jack Nicholson in "Five Easy Pieces":

[Bobby wants plain toast, which isn't on the menu]

Bobby: I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.

Waitress: A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

 

[Colin the Bear]

Sweet. I always seem to get the best deal At Go compare. If you don't pay monthly. Triple price if you pay monthly sheesh!

Heard at local cafe.

"Black coffee please"

"Sorry we don't have that on the menu"

" OK! Coffee please no cream"

"We haven't got any cream"

" Oh! OK I'll have it without milk."

McD's is quite fun. Plain burger please, You want cheese on that?

 

[Pete Thomas]

"We haven't got any cream"

" Oh! OK I'll have it without milk."

I do actually prefer black coffee without cream to black coffee without milk.

 

[Jazzaferri]

Talk about Catch 22

 

[vries1]

I am not sure whether a honey producer and a music producer have similar risk profiles, from an insurer's point of view!

 

[Moz]

I actually am a beekeeper and therefore a Honey Producers agent, I wonder if I could put that down as employment?

 

[jimmylh]

I am not sure whether a honey producer and a music producer have similar risk profiles, from an insurer's point of view!

I've heard old Conn tenors might sting you in the face....

 

[Targa]

Reminds me of Jack Nicholson in "Five Easy Pieces":

[Bobby wants plain toast, which isn't on the menu]

Bobby: I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.

Waitress: A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

You left off the last two lines.

 

[David Dorning]

Conversation / incident at coffee outlet at King's Cross station:

DD: "I'll have this bottle of orange juice (puts it on counter) and a cinnamon bun please"
Server: (puts bun on plate) "That'll be 3 pounds 25p please"
DD pays for it, reaches over to take juice and bun.
Server (whips plate and juice out of my reach) "where are you sitting sir?"
DD "I'm not, I'll just take them with me" (reaches over to take juice and bun)
Server (holds them out of reach) "No, you have to sit down"
DD " No, I'm taking them with me"
Server "You have to sit down sir"
DD "No, I'm not going to sit at a table, I'll just take my juice and bun now" (people in queue behind geting restless)
Server "You have to sit at a table sir"
DD "Please give me the juice and bun"
Server "You must sit down first, then we'll bring them to you"
DD "I have a train to catch, I need to take them right now"
Server "You have sit at a table and we will bring them to you"
DD "I have paid for them, please give them to me, I own them and I'm asking you to give them to me now"
Server "Sir you have to go and sit at a table"
DD "I own that juice and I own that bun. Please hand my property to me"
Server "You will have to sit down at a table sir"

DD sits in exasperation at nearest table where two people are trying their best not to laugh out loud. One of them leans over and says to me "they don't understand about service here do they?" just as the juice and bun appear in front of me. We have hilarious conversation about what the world is coming to. He tells me exactly the same thing just happened to him. We laugh about it so much I nearly miss my train.

 

[Dibbs]

A greasy spoon in Appleby several years ago while at the jazz festival:

"I'll have a full English without black pudding please."

"Sorry, we don't do missing stuff off."

"OK, fair enough."

A few minutes later...

"I'm very sorry, we've run out of black pudding but we've given you some liver instead."

 

[jimmylh]

You left off the last two lines.

I know, but I wasn't sure I could post it... if you know what I mean.

 

[brianr]

We were in France recently and this thread reminds me of a funny conversation.

My wife is veggie and it always limits her choice when eating out.

So, we are in a restaurant and after we explain that my wife was veggie, the guy taking the order (whose English was good) asks

"I understand. We have lots of vegetarians in here. So as a vegetarian, how would you like your meat cooked"

 

[Jules]

JL- Hello. Can I speak to Mr Evans about the saxophone he’s ordered from us

Voice- I’m afraid not. He’s not in.

JL- Could I leave a message for him please.

Voice- I’m afraid not. I’m not in either.

 

[Jules]

A friend of mine once worked in a half way house for ex cons coming out of prison. He was given the job, with two of the residents, of repainting the kitchen. His two helpers were, to put it mildly, a handful and very quickly a blazing row erupted about the job. Things escalated and one of them broke a bottle to use as a weapon.

“I’m going to call the police!” my friend shouted

“Don’t be stupid. They’re not going to know what colour to paint a kitchen” came the response…