Sob Story.

[tomjazz]

I just wonderd if anyone came from peterborough and could help or just give me some good advice. I am so fed up my wife and family are great but when it comes to my music No interest i never get a compliment no matter what i do or play and to top it last night my wifes brother phoned and wonderd what the racket was in the back ground and it was all a bit of a joke i am so hurt/offended they just don't know what this means to me I have never achieved anything in life even my family talk about how they did at golf ect and my mother praises there efforts but even if i say have a listen to my you tube tune its " oh ye i didnt know you were still messing around with the sax. Ok enough money is a problem so cant really afford lessons at the mo could someone tell me if i should be better than i am for two yrs or any help really i am just embarrasd try you tube and type in romeo011 or www.freewebs.com/tom9437/ but iv no new tunes on this one thanks Tom.

 

[delboy1961]

Tom.
Sounds ok to me,I am sorry your family do not support you.My kids wouldnt know a decent tune and are not interested but girlfriend is very encouraging and it helps.
I tried recording myself and was horrified at the racket that came out but I am assured that is not what I sound like just inferior recording equipment

 

[dooce]

Tom - that's just the way some people are. Obviously I don't know your family but there are a whole load of people out there for whom music means nothing more than a pleasant background to a ride in a lift. I'll bet if you played like Stan Getz they wouldn't manage more than "very nice dear - I think the grass needs cutting though".

1 - explain to your family how important this is to you. It may not make them appreciate your playing any more, but hopefully they will think before coming out with the dismissive comments.

2 - you need to find an outlet with other musicians - a wind band,
group, jam session, anything where we strange creatures gather and where you can stop feeling like an outcast.

3 - believe in yourself - if you really love playing and are determined to progress, go for it and try not to let other people's reactions bother you.

I know where you are coming from by the way - not because of music, but other things that were important to me and which people close to me chose not to recognise.

 

[wavygravy]

hi tom
you sound ok to my ears....i`m in a sort of similar positin in as much as my wife hates my playing...but then again she likes simply red so who`she to comment....on summertime 2 (you tube) are you sight reading ...if so thats an achievement in itself....stick at it
neil

 

[losaavedra]

The earlier contributors have pretty much said it all. For myself I do three things with a focussed passion ... music, writing comedy scripts and painting, hopping from one to another as the mood takes me. After over half a century doing these things (and not being remarkably good at any of them) I can't recollect one compliment directed at any of these of my endeavours from 'family'. The music frequently gets 'why don't you play a tune?' directed at it, comedy writing 'we don't think that's funny' and painting 'what's it supposed to be?'. Goes with the territory ... so cheer up Tom and enjoy it for the personal pleasure it gives. And your stuff, which I've visited before, is a darn sight better than where I'm at with the sax at the moment, so don't let the buggers get you down!!!

 

[helena]

Hi Tom

well I thought your film was fab.
Sometimes people don't want to understand how important something is to us - maybe they feel it will take you away from them, that you are happier playing the sax than doing other family stuff etc. Some people don't know how to cope with people doing something that is out of the norm. But just imagine what would happen if people didn't go things differently, didn't learn or grow. I admire you for your honesty. Keep on practising, and putting stuff on you tube so more experienced players than me can keep giving you feedback.
Music is so important, keep on, and maybe set yourself targets that help you take small steps in being the great player you are.
Have a great weekend
Helen
x

 

[old_git]

Tom,
The word I want to use starts with 'B' and ends with a 'x' or 'cks'.

Not achieved anything in your life?
You've stayed married which is more than I've succeeded in doing, you've got kids, who despite everything actually like Dad, despite apparently not appreciating your music. Cast your mind back, was your Father's choice of music yours? It is part of growing up to dislike Dad's music, part of finding the limits.

So you aint no Merchant Banker or CEO with a fat pay off when you cock things up but how many of the kids or the wife have starved to death?

You've more guts than I have, you post your efforts. You're doing okay for such a relatively short learning period. It is rumoured that Courtney practises up to eight hours a day. You have to earn a living so your practice will be limited and how long has he been playing? Remember that even those Maestros who offer master classes usually have less skilled advisers to help with interpretation. They are able to look and guide the musical output from an outside perspective.

Tom, don't be so critical of your abilities, wish I could do so well. Thirty years as a road, race and safety trainer showed me that the majority, take an over critical view and hold a low estimation of their abilities.
You are doing okay, far better than Gordon. Stand up, say "I am good." and believe it. A surprising number of people do.

 

[Djangette]

(((tomjazz))) - those are hugs by the way!

What the feck is golf? A good walk spoiled isn't it? :-D plus all those bad fashions/synthetic fibres/red noses 🙁 - I suppose if I'd been partnered with a golfer I might be saying: 'yes dear, very nice' when he was showing off his latest back swing!!!!
:laugh: (Tiger Woods excepted - who is so cute that I'd pay to watch him brushing his teeth!)

Hmm - you know you can't please everyone so you might as well please yourself. (gold star to first to recognise the lyric).

As family/friends don't share your interest you need to find support elsewhere - try the musicians wanted websites - or you can put your own advert on to find like-minded people to get together with.

I can't hear your playing as I bought a super-dooper PC without a soundcard 🙁 - have sent the link to a mate and, hopefully, will hear it in a week or so. Actually it doesn't matter, most of us are fumbling around in the dark, but, as long as you enjoy it then that's a good enough reason to keep on isn't it?

Really you are going to have to develop some focus and a thicker skin (please see other discussions on this website re most embarassing gigs and stuff) - getting in touch with other like-minded people will develop your confidence.

What does the brother-in-law from Hell actually do? Remember that some people try to undermine you because they're jealous, their lives aren't perfect and they might be envious of you!

<has a virtual Kalashnikov you can borrow at any time 🙂

:laugh:

Just keep on blowing 🙂

 

[Taz]

Ok Tom, you want an honest opinion? Firstly accept that I'm not good at expressing myself and I can be somewhat clumsy, but here goes. The complete sound on youtub is not good. This is because you are using a hand held video camera to record the sound and that never works as you plan it. It does not mean that your sound is not good though. Secondly I feel you stick very rigidly to whats written on the music (I'm speaking from the fact that I cant read music and I'm jealous lol) The problem there lies in maintaining the tempo. I'm sure you know the tune and can"feel" the tempo in your soul, then play it like that...your interpretation and not that of the composer. Your technical ability, tone and control of the sax all seem very good to me.
If you can get hold of a mic and record yourself onto your pc, then record the backing track as well you can "mix" the sound more suitably.
I've only been playing for four years and I've had loads of support, so I'm not the best person to advise you. But that said you seem to be doing ok to me. If you are interested in home recording then pm your email address to me and we can chat more without tying up this website.
Keep your chin up 😉

 

[suethesax]

Tom, I echo what those above have said. We have a very supportive community here and some of them meet up occasionally in Herts/Essex, which isn't that far from Peterbro' Maybe next time they meet you could go along for some moral support and maybe join in the fun. Don't give up, enjoy your playing and see the posts in soundclips for the session this week in Harlow.

Good luck

 

[tomjazz]

Hi all of you, can i just say a very big thank you to you all
and i mean it. I have even explained to my wife of 28 yrs what i had wrote to this group and she has sat and read the first 4 reply s and i think she was taken a back a little to the response iv had and so am i to be honest. What a great group of people /musicians And believe me i will take all your advice in some way or another thank you so much Tom.

 

[Mikec]

All good advice above. I'm very lucky to have a wonderful supportive wife, but the rest of my family were indifferent at best to anything I tried to achieve. I reckon I decided very young to do things for myself, and not for anyone else's approval. (The internet is fantastic in this regard). Be your own judge; enjoy playing; you don't need approval. You're playing's good but can get better, as with all of us.

 

[justin_chune]

Courage brother. You took up the sax to please yourself and not your family. Keep at it, it's great fun and just gets better, the better you get at it. Join a band and meet some like minded people. There are a lot of us around.

Your situation is not as unique as you might think. My wife does not share my musical tastes and frankly I don't give a keech 🙂

Don't let them get you down.

 

[sharon]

Tom everything everyone has said is true. I think a lot of us have to put up with this - especially when we're late starters. I know for a fact that my husband can't stand my playing but in the interests of marital harmony doesn't say, and I try and play when he's at work. I'm sure he thought it was a whim and I'd get fed up.

No-one in my family or any friends has ever said well done, or lets hear a tune then. Honestly, I don't care, but sometimes you do wonder why and I can really relate totally to your post.

My lot think it's just another odd "Mum thing" like running and knitting, and they do treat it as a bit of a joke. A couple of years ago I ran Cardiff marathon. I trained for 9 months and regularly ran 40 miles a week. Some sessions were 20 miles. No-one ever said anything other than - "how long will you be out for". It just makes me laugh because that's families for you. They only turned up to see me run because I organised it!

Don't take it to heart, in some ways I think it means you have a normal family life. You obviously enjoy playing and that is the only thing that matters. Although it is nice to have a pat on the back.

I think Taz is right about you're playing and I found that tunes that you learn come out sounding more natural, so that might be a step forward for you and it's really rewarding. Mind you that's my excuse for having terrible timing. I play the notes the length I think they sound best at rather than what's written. 😛

You must stick at it and not be downhearted. Everyone is so supportive on this forum and I know I for one wouldn't have come along without it - same goes for lots of us I know.

Off to play now as the old man is in work today 😉

Sharon

 

[delboy1961]

Tom,
I must say that if your wife knows you have moaned about her to a lot of strangers who agreed with you, and you do not have to go to casualty to remove a sax from where the sun dont shine then shes a good'un.
My pet hate is friends who come to my house and say "give us a tune"and when I explain I have to dampen the reed ,put it on the mouthpiece and warm the sax up they then cant be bothered to wait 2 minutes.

 

[Col9]

Hi Tom. My mum is the same, she has until recently just laughed really at the thought of me learning the sax. Apparently it was just a fad that would last a few months and would go no where, boys toys etc. On top of that she thinks someone with long hair (I have long hair) will never get anywhere or achieve anything. She even once went on to say that everyone with long hair will probably be a serial killer or have it cut first 🙁 8| So I think its best to just ignore anything other than praise. Mums eh!? cant live with them, cant legally kill them.........uuuhhh.... maybe she's right.

It wasn't until she tried to play it that she developed a certain amount of respect for it. She now is buying the other half's old tenor and will start learning in our band in Sept.

As for golf................ :laugh: " A good walk spoiled" is the best description I haver heard. The most exciting thing in golf I can mention is when we used to do alot of mountain biking and 5 of us crashed through the bushes into the middle of some really big golf tournament at Woburn. You've never seen so many checked trouser clad open mouths at one time. :laugh:

So yeah, encouragement is great but in no way should it be essential. Learning on your own is hard and its difficult to measure progress without another player or appreciative ears, but you seem to be playing and sounding great. Keep it up.

Col.

 

[Linky Lee]

Keep at it Tom!

Col, I had long hair a few years ago. And decided to cut it all off for precisely that reason. I couldn't et a job and was being unfairly judged by random strangers. Though that wasn't much of a direct problem, it brought about confrontations that needn't of happened.
Since I've cut my hair I've actually found it much easier to get on with people. I've been much more successful at work and feel proud of my appearance.

For me it was positive.

 

[Mikec]

I'm rather sad that the "long-haired-must-be-useless" thing is still around. I suffered badly from that in my youth, but I thought we lived in more enlightened times.

 

[Semiquaver]

Tom,

I would advocate playing with other musicans. It will give you such a lift and inspire you not to give up. It will also give you a reason to practise which, is very important.

Dooce mentions joining a wind band. I joined one after only a years playing (self taught). I was completely lost a first as my sight reading was very poor. But each week i went I got better and better. the other members were so supportive and nobody commented on my bum notes or occasional sqeaks.

Three years later my musicianship has increased a hundred fold. I love every wednesday when we rehearse and whilst i still play bum notes they are getting less and less.

So, give it a go.

There is one in your area...

http://www.peterboroughconcertband.org.uk/

 

[Pete Thomas]

This is something that has happened to me too early on, I was young enough to channel my reaction into a positive kind of "success is the best revenge" tactic. IF I was older I don't think that would have worked, but what you have done is a great achievement (beyond what people e.g. old git have already said about actually having made a family and kept it) - you have managed to sit down and talk about it with your wife as well as a whole lad of strangers on the internet and touched quite a few people as well as making a big break through in your personal communication with wife etc. Your musical progress is pretty good too so I'd say a positive thing all round.

Plus I'm very proud of this little community here for being so sensitive and supportive.

The only thing that depresses me is that is such a miserable picture of Sonny Rollins.