Cheap and cheerful instruments

[colin_]

If, like me, you were too late to grab a cheap clarinet at Netto (see recent thread), visit their fruit and veg department instead...

Vitamin Bb Clarinet

I did something similar to demonstrate how instruments work, as part of a show for Art's Week at my daughter's school earlier in the year. A trombone mouthpiece, a length of garden hose and a plastic funnel - makes a great French Horn! 😉

 

[colin_]

Notes on playing your Carrot Clarinet:

- You must start every tune on the root note.

- You may need to alter the notes of well-known tunes in order to play these on your Carrot Clarinet - the new version is called an 'Orangement'.

- Good first tunes to try are:
"My Bunny Valentine"
"The Way You Cook Tonight"
"Mad About The Boil"
"Love For Kale"
"Peas Don't Talk About Me When I'm Gone"
"It Ain't Nece-Celery So"
...and anything by Art Pepper.

- If your Carrot Clarinet tends to squeak, simply check for leeks. :erm:

 

[Pete Thomas]

Fry Me To The Moon
Greens Leaves
Mash in B Minor

 

[Djangette]

Stompin' At The Savoy (closely followed by Savoy Blues) :laugh:

Royal Garden Greens?

I Bean Dealin' With The Devil

Cornet Chop Suey

and for afters it's gotta be Ice Cream *yum* all washed down with Michigan Water *yuk*

 

[Linky Lee]

Chocolate Moose the Mooche
Scrapple for the Apple
In A Marsh-Mellow Tone
In A Senti-menthal Mood
Bean To Me

 

[Djangette]

Is chocolate a vegetable? - I'm OK for my five a day then! :laugh:

In which case I'll offer:

Honey-suckle Rose (aka Honey Suck My Nose)

or anything by Jelly-Roll Morton 🙂

 

[jonf]

Can't believe no-one's come out with Green Onions yet

 

[Pete Thomas]

Or Willie and the Hand Chive

 

[Djangette]

or HERBIE Hancock - (Watermelon Man or Cantaloupe Island)

Rock of Sages? :S

Cumin' Atcha

 

[stephen_howard]

This calls for some T-radish-ional jazz..

Love lettuce straight from your heart
Mango number five
Come on and jump to the beet
Swede Georgia Brown
To-marrow is another day
Gherkin for Perkin
Pumpkin with symphony Sid
Sorrel seems to be the hardest word...

 

[Bobby G]

Anything by John Kale, or JJ Kale.

John Lennon, "Give Peas a Chance"

 

[colin_]

Well done chaps, that shallot of tunes!

Why don't we publish all these in a compendium of vegetable melodies - we'll call it "The Meal Book - Volume 1".

 

[Bobby G]

Good idea Colin, and in volume two all the old favourite fish-based puns could be trotted out. Just for the halibut, you know....

 

[PaulyT]

Oh - My - Cod!!! You'll leave us all Floundering for words - we'll be wiping the tears from our eyes, one Dab at a time! This is the Plaice for Poor-Cod puns though!
The girls will be Pouting and the men will all be Carping! To bring them all together we need puns that are hiZanders (geddit?). All fish puns smell - Most of these Smelt bad but some are Brill
- I'm not sure we'be able to stand the sTench! You'll have to flex your mental Mussels or all you'll come up with is a load of old Pollacks.
Why don't you Mullet over and try to Weever spell? If you do it well enough, Old Ken Loach might make a film of it!
Any good ones will warm the Cockles of our hearts!
That Pete, Eel get his Bass sax out and compose a Conger we can all dance to and in the morning we'll all feel a bit Ruffe.
Still, we won't Pike at it we'll just Pogge around until we can Linger no more.
When will it all end? Still, at least in heaven we can Skate, God bless our Soles!

 

[colin_]

That's it then - Volume 2 - "The Krill Book".

 

[Djangette]

erm . . .

Body and Sole?
Buddy's Halibut?
When I Get Too Old To Bream?
Rock (Eel) of Ages?
Ling(er) Awhile?
My Bucket's got a Sole in it?
In a Sentiment-eel mood?
Whaley the Weeper?

All caught on the Royal telephone line in Michigan Waters :-D
played in the style of BLENNY Goodman or RAY Charles

 

[Bobby G]

Never mind the pollacks, here's the Sex Pistols

 

[jools]

Salt Peanuts anyone?

 

[Taz]

Thats it ive haddock with you lot! I'm off for a ride on my motor pike and side carp

 

[Jules]

Can't believe what I'm herring here. I used to be in a latin band called The Cuban Eels...
What aboyt Gil Scott Herring? :cry:
Or Link Ray?
Count Bass- (y) 8|