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Miscellaneous A Message From The Queen
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
143 Replies
·
7059 views
Miscellaneous Old Saxophone Advertisements or Case Emblems ?
Anyone have vintage catalogs, advertising or case emblem pictures / copies to share ?
Store emblems make for some fascinating historical research.
This sax below came from Smarts Music Shop. Could it be the one in display case ?
Store emblems make for some fascinating historical research.
This sax below came from Smarts Music Shop. Could it be the one in display case ?
71 Replies
·
1797 views
Hello everyone
my turn to be SOTM host again, I've chosen 'Footprints' by Wayne Shorter.
I've added lead sheets and backing tracks HERE
Lead sheets - there is one for Eb instruments, and Bb has a high version, for people with leaky low notes, and a low version for people who don't like palm keys. There are some adventurous looking tuplets, but if you're struggling with them have a listen along to the original (below) and it makes a lot more sense. Structurally, think of it as a Cm (concert pitch) blues, with a more harmonically exciting turnaround at the end.
Backing tracks - I had a look on ireal pro but none of the backing tracks really captured the feel/rhythm correctly, so the backing track uploaded is me bashing away at a piano and a drum module in Reaper. It's more natural sounding than the iReal stuff, but still not great so if you've got a better one feel free to use that! There are two versions of my homemade one, both with a four bar intro - one that repeats 6x, and one that's just 3x, although you could argue both versions are....SHORTER 😉
Here's the original:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgaIUqH0w6c&list=RDLgaIUqH0w6c&start_radio=1
Looking forward to hearing your recordings.
my turn to be SOTM host again, I've chosen 'Footprints' by Wayne Shorter.
I've added lead sheets and backing tracks HERE
Lead sheets - there is one for Eb instruments, and Bb has a high version, for people with leaky low notes, and a low version for people who don't like palm keys. There are some adventurous looking tuplets, but if you're struggling with them have a listen along to the original (below) and it makes a lot more sense. Structurally, think of it as a Cm (concert pitch) blues, with a more harmonically exciting turnaround at the end.
Backing tracks - I had a look on ireal pro but none of the backing tracks really captured the feel/rhythm correctly, so the backing track uploaded is me bashing away at a piano and a drum module in Reaper. It's more natural sounding than the iReal stuff, but still not great so if you've got a better one feel free to use that! There are two versions of my homemade one, both with a four bar intro - one that repeats 6x, and one that's just 3x, although you could argue both versions are....SHORTER 😉
Here's the original:
Looking forward to hearing your recordings.
9 Replies
·
507 views
Saxophones The Alphabet of Tone
The Alphabet of Tone
words often encountered when one discusses or expresses an instruments tone....
Bright
Warm
Rich
Dark
Lush
Centered / Focused
Spread
what else have YOU heard?
words often encountered when one discusses or expresses an instruments tone....
Bright
Warm
Rich
Dark
Lush
Centered / Focused
Spread
what else have YOU heard?
8 Replies
·
124 views
Introduction Hello!
I would like to introduce myself. My handle is Viljams (IYKYK). I am a trained woodwinds player (clarinet major). The sax became my focus in college (university for all you European folks), but the clarinet paid my bills! I have been a classroom music teacher, a fulltime private instructor, and played in all kind of ensembles/bands. I even had the privilege of joining the Chicago Musicians Union so I could play one gig. But hey that was the '70's in Chicago! I haven't played much in recent years due to my career and a lot of travel. I am hoping to restart things soon. I already did that once in my life and found that the restart resulted in me playing better than ever. Looking forward to following the various threads and journeys that others are on.
1 Replies
·
20 views
Tech/maintenance Super glued pads - a cry for help
Hello, folks. Many of you may know me from that other site.
A while back, I bought a nice, shiny purple logo Yts-32 from a guy in Japan. It arrived unplayable due to leaks. No prob, I think. I'll fix 'er right up. Wrong again.
The pads are glued in with ca glue. Lots of it, filling the cups. It is very hard and thick. I have scraped out a couple of pad cups. It was a long, tedious drudge. Acetone barely softens the surface.
Is there a better way?
A while back, I bought a nice, shiny purple logo Yts-32 from a guy in Japan. It arrived unplayable due to leaks. No prob, I think. I'll fix 'er right up. Wrong again.
The pads are glued in with ca glue. Lots of it, filling the cups. It is very hard and thick. I have scraped out a couple of pad cups. It was a long, tedious drudge. Acetone barely softens the surface.
Is there a better way?
36 Replies
·
542 views
Saxophones Alto for warm tone
Me again!
I'm curious to know - what alto do you think produces the warmest, most mellow tone?
No particular reason for asking just pure curiosity........
I'm curious to know - what alto do you think produces the warmest, most mellow tone?
No particular reason for asking just pure curiosity........
36 Replies
·
595 views
I'm wondering if anyone's noticed a change in the consistency of Vandoren Java Red reeds recently? My last two boxes have been noticeably substandard, with the last box not having a single, decent reed in it. Resistance has increased noticeably and the sound is much less bright. I swapped in an old Red and it was great.
It feels like they've changed how they gauge the Reds, or changed the design slightly. Is it just me or has anyone had this recently?
It feels like they've changed how they gauge the Reds, or changed the design slightly. Is it just me or has anyone had this recently?
17 Replies
·
360 views
Saxophones Trying to date my Amati Kraslice Tenor
Hi everyone!
A coworker's grandma passed away and her family passed her Amati Kraslice Tenor on to me.
It looks quite old (for example: the whole thing is silber, but the inside of the bell is gold), but me and my friends didn't have any luck finding something with the serial number.
The serial number is: 43826
I've added some photos, maybe this will help 🙂
Thanks already!!
A coworker's grandma passed away and her family passed her Amati Kraslice Tenor on to me.
It looks quite old (for example: the whole thing is silber, but the inside of the bell is gold), but me and my friends didn't have any luck finding something with the serial number.
The serial number is: 43826
I've added some photos, maybe this will help 🙂
Thanks already!!
17 Replies
·
9972 views
I found this ancient Otto Langey Saxophone Fingering Chart, circa 1890, inside the case of a 1921 C Melody sax. The condition is poor, but it's still a cool find. I gather it's a fingering chart for those transitioning from the "older" 12-key saxophone to the "newer" 15-key layout. I don't see a date on this anywhere, so the 1890 guess came from the PC.
14 Replies
·
307 views
Miscellaneous Photography - all aspects
Following various recent posts, I thought I would create a thread specifically for photography. Somewhere to talk about equipment, experiences, processing...
To start off, I was a Nikon user for over 40 years, but had to 'down size' as handling full-frame cameras and lenses was getting to be too much like hard work and giving me shoulder issues. My current digital camera is a mirrorless Fuji X-T5.
For film cameras, I have a Pentax MX, Mamiya RB67, and a Sinar F2.
To start off, I was a Nikon user for over 40 years, but had to 'down size' as handling full-frame cameras and lenses was getting to be too much like hard work and giving me shoulder issues. My current digital camera is a mirrorless Fuji X-T5.
For film cameras, I have a Pentax MX, Mamiya RB67, and a Sinar F2.
426 Replies
·
16517 views
Cafe Moderator
Café Supporter
Miscellaneous Daily Check In
Good morning,
We thought it might be good to have a thread where you can just come and say hi, tell us what you are doing today, have a moan, share an idea that you wouldn't necessarily start a thread for ( we can always create a new thread from posts here if it became a substantial discussion).
It doesn't have to be sax related🙂
Basically an easy way to connect on a daily basis.
So to kick us off, I am writing this whilst prepping a casserole for the slo cooker as I am playing sax today with café sax and need a quick easy tea when I get home.
I am still suffering with a cough which will impact my playing today and I am worried as we are playing our first care home gig next Sunday!!
Have a lovely Sunday
Jx
We thought it might be good to have a thread where you can just come and say hi, tell us what you are doing today, have a moan, share an idea that you wouldn't necessarily start a thread for ( we can always create a new thread from posts here if it became a substantial discussion).
It doesn't have to be sax related🙂
Basically an easy way to connect on a daily basis.
So to kick us off, I am writing this whilst prepping a casserole for the slo cooker as I am playing sax today with café sax and need a quick easy tea when I get home.
I am still suffering with a cough which will impact my playing today and I am worried as we are playing our first care home gig next Sunday!!
Have a lovely Sunday
Jx
2987 Replies
·
96216 views
Cafe Moderator
Cafe Announcements 📣 Testing new feature: Social Feed
As some of you have noticed we are testing a new forum feature that may or may not be made permanent. It is still under development so any critique, bug reports are welcome.
This is a different way of viewing recent posts, in a social media type view. This is never going to replace the existing traditional forum / subforum and new posts view, rather it's an alternative if you like that kind of view. So we don't need need an opinion on the feature itself. In fact I don't really like it myself. The reason is to make the forum more familiar and hopefully less perplexing for new users who may be used to this type of view but not the traditional forum format.
Currently the access to Social Feed is a sub menu item of New (along with the various different New views). You can also switch back and forth between the SF view and trad view via a link at the top of each thread. Social Feeds shows the latest started or replied to threads showing the first post and latest two or three replies. The Load More Replies link opens up each thread to show all replies (but we may reduce that to 10 or so at a time)
If you reply to a post in SF format it will show as "nested" but when viewing the same post in traditional view it will have the post it is replying to as a quote. (or rather, it should do with any luck)
Please supply any comments in this thread, so not interrupt normal threads with comments about the Social Feeds system.
Again: this is totally optional and will not replace any current view so we won't be taking a poll on whether you like/want it or not.
What will be most useful is if those of you who are used to this kind of feed with social media can comment in this thread which may be sticky for a while
This is a different way of viewing recent posts, in a social media type view. This is never going to replace the existing traditional forum / subforum and new posts view, rather it's an alternative if you like that kind of view. So we don't need need an opinion on the feature itself. In fact I don't really like it myself. The reason is to make the forum more familiar and hopefully less perplexing for new users who may be used to this type of view but not the traditional forum format.
Currently the access to Social Feed is a sub menu item of New (along with the various different New views). You can also switch back and forth between the SF view and trad view via a link at the top of each thread. Social Feeds shows the latest started or replied to threads showing the first post and latest two or three replies. The Load More Replies link opens up each thread to show all replies (but we may reduce that to 10 or so at a time)
If you reply to a post in SF format it will show as "nested" but when viewing the same post in traditional view it will have the post it is replying to as a quote. (or rather, it should do with any luck)
Please supply any comments in this thread, so not interrupt normal threads with comments about the Social Feeds system.
Again: this is totally optional and will not replace any current view so we won't be taking a poll on whether you like/want it or not.
What will be most useful is if those of you who are used to this kind of feed with social media can comment in this thread which may be sticky for a while
Do you use the social feed?
10 votes total
31 Replies
·
2109 views
Saxophones Franken-sax?
My primary instrument is Tuba. Among tuba players there are quite a few who build what are called Franken-Tuba's. Basically we find old junk, sometimes buy new components, and build homemade conglomerations.
Is this a thing in the saxophone community?
Is this a thing in the saxophone community?
14 Replies
·
288 views
Saxophones Pork Tales: Saxophone Repair DIY Adventures.
Tales from a pig that likes to stick his nose into everything.
Paint that S. How difficult could it be ?
1) Search the net.
2) Find the color.
3) Order color.
4) Study task on University of YouTube, aka; For destruction by DYI presented by pro tech.
Do the cleaning & prep.
Paint and cleanup / detail the edges with hard cotton swabs. Sounds easy……
Yeah tha guy Matt makes it look easy.
Anyone remember your first experience cooking bacon crispy while still in the frying pan !
Paint that S. How difficult could it be ?
1) Search the net.
2) Find the color.
3) Order color.
4) Study task on University of YouTube, aka; For destruction by DYI presented by pro tech.
Do the cleaning & prep.
Paint and cleanup / detail the edges with hard cotton swabs. Sounds easy……
Yeah tha guy Matt makes it look easy.
Anyone remember your first experience cooking bacon crispy while still in the frying pan !
1248 Replies
·
73839 views
Social
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