Want to be a pro jazz musician?

[dooce]

....don't get your hopes up; http://www.allaboutjazz.com/php/article.php?id=33754&pg=1&page=1

 

[jonf]

Hilarious. Thanks for posting. So many truths in there. Started strongly with

"People who want to play jazz actually outnumber those who enjoy or even tolerate it, let alone pay to hear it."

I particularly liked footnote 2.

 

[Andrew Sanders]

Brilliant!

Low Body Mass, self cut hair and mismatched shoes. Could be me that.
I knew I'd reached an all-time low when asked to play banjo with a Welsh Wurzells Lookie-likie band.
I did it but only once. I felt dirty. At least with a jazz gig you can feel superior.

 

[Jazzaferri]

As Gypsy Jazz is my first love, and it is a smaller audience than jazz it is lucky that i have wonderful understanding working wife.

 

[breathless]

Very funny although I didn't finish reading it all and quit after reading what jobs or lack of a jazz player might end up in!

So now I'm depressed, any one want to by a 3 month old tenor?

Lee.

 

[SopJob]

Two ways to react:

1. Play Smooth Jazz and be happy.

2. Change into a rap musician and make millions. It's easier than you think:

2.1 Spend at least 10 hours per week in a gym and start taking steroids.
2.2 Get into prison for not too long a period (<= 2 years)
2.3 Break a Mercedes star off from a radiator grill and wear it around your neck on a bathtub chain.
2.4 Take photographs with Eastern European prostitutes.
2.5 Look for a recording studio and convince the engineer to record your everyday conversation.

 

[Jazzaferri]

Frank you forgot to mention to use the f word frequently and call women garden implements

 

[old git]

As an ex-reprographer, how do you take photographs with Eastern European prostitutes?

Do you coat then with silver halides, fit a four thirds CCD or revise kevlar microfilm technologies? :shocked:

 

[Jazzaferri]

You remove most of their garments. Put tongue back in mouth and close, point device and close eyes and shoot.

 

[llamedos]

As an ex-reprographer, how do you take photographs with Eastern European prostitutes?

Do you coat then with silver halides, fit a four thirds CCD or revise kevlar microfilm technologies? :shocked:

Yes.

 

[Pete C]

Very funny and alarmingly accurate!

 

[kevgermany]

close to the forum limit as well....

 

[Targa]

As an ex-reprographer, how do you take photographs with Eastern European prostitutes?

Do you coat then with silver halides, fit a four thirds CCD or revise kevlar microfilm technologies? :shocked:

As Walter Kerr almost said 'Me no like her'.

 

[aldevis]

Back to the OP, I find it quite depressing and little respectful. The gentleman happily calls me a "Jazz Whore" (he exactly describes the way I pay my bills and my taxes), but does not ask how the creative "epiphites" survive: grants? born from wealthy families? my taxes?

Since I do a big effort in trying to be creative, and I am not ashamed of working, I find quite offensive to be called a "Whore" because yesterday I picked up a Motown gig (actually a kind of music that I often like) or I play in a restaurant.

There is a famous Konitz/Baker/Mulligan live in a restaurant. Were they whores too?

Sorry for the rant, but I really could not finish the first two paragraphs. Maybe my sense of humour went down the drain after I received my bank statement.

 

[aldevis]

Little correction: in one of the comments the Author himself explains his position. Had he written it on top of the article, I wouldn't be so upset.

 

[kevgermany]

I thought it funny, but about 3 times longer than it should have been.

 

[aldevis]

I thought it funny, but about 3 times longer than it should have been.

After all he is a musician:
" I am playing at this jam, already done 25 choruses... I know I can do better.... Let me play 25 more to show that I can be fast too...." (Inner thoughts in the average musician's brain during Cantaloupe Island at a jam)

 

[kevgermany]

After all he is a musician:
" I am playing at this jam, already done 25 choruses... I know I can do better.... Let me play 25 more to show that I can be fast too...." (Inner thoughts in the average musician's brain during Cantaloupe Island at a jam)

Guess so.