Hmmmn. Head scratching, feeling tired and confused, your brain hurts ?
Relax - it's time for a hot bath.
Sounds good to me. What do I do?
Dissolve half a packet of original dead sea salt into the water and soak your body for at least 30 minutes.
I seem to be all out of dead sea salt (again), and I've only got a spoonful of table salt left...and I need that for my chips.
I'll pop some Daz in the bath...I'm pretty sure it's much the same.
Rinse or shower with clear warm water and a tantilzing shower gel and dry with a large bath towel, apply an invigorating body lotion.
OK, well, the water's not exactly clear...but the boiler man is due next week. If I had any shower gel it'd definitely be tantalizing - but I haven't, so it isn't. I do have some Autoglym Car Wax though, which looks like it'll do the business.
As for body lotion, most of the lotions I have say "Use only as directed by your GP" on them - so I'll have to settle for a quick rub down with some Mr Muscle surface cleaner. If nothing else it'll be invigorating.
Thereafter donn a warm bath robe (with or without hood) and relax on the couch with your favourite soothing sounds.
I don't think I've ever owned a bath robe - not unless you count an old quilted dressing gown I once bought for a 'Noel Coward lookalike fancy-dress party'...but it got ruined when someone who (mistakenly) came as Cole Porter set fire to it. I've got a Parka - that's got a hood...and it's even got some fake fur around it.
Soothing sounds? I've got a vast collection to choose from...a veritable cornucopia of CDs. Unfortunately I don't currently have a CD player. Well, I do...but I threw the dressing gown on it when it caught fire, so it's a bit....er..melted.
Not to worry, my wireless doorbell can play 17 different tunes - there's bound to be one in amongst the selection that's reasonably restful.
Cooled fresh cucumber slices on the eye lids are an optional extra. Fruit salad with yogurt as a side dish and fresh fruit drinks to replenish the liquid, vitamin and essential minerals are advisable.
Ah, now, here's where I think I might run into a bit of a problem. Y'see, I'm not really terribly keen on cucumber as a rule - so tend not to buy it. In fact when it comes to vegetables I think I'm what you call 'conservative' - and a quick tally of my larder tells me that I'm rather low on veg...save for a couple of options.
I also tend not to keep yoghurt in the house - mostly because I object most strongly to shelling out for what's essentially a pint of milk that's seen better days. I'm guessing that a glass of whisky probably isn't much cop for detoxing, but I know I've got a tin of something reasonably healthly somewhere.
So I'll stick a slice of Maris Piper on one eye, an onion ring on the other...and I'll toast to your good health with half a pint of mushy peas.
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