Musician Jokes

[disco_volante]

Anybody got any good musician jokes?

Heard this one the other day

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once. :laugh:

Well I thought it was funny anyway.

 

[andrew_sanders]

What is the difference between an onion and a banjo?
No one cries when you cut up a banjo.
The old ones are the best

 

[Smiffy]

* you can tell it's getting near to christmas * 🙁 😉

 

[disco_volante]

Andrew Sanders wrote:
What is the difference between an onion and a banjo?
No one cries when you cut up a banjo.
The old ones are the best

Hey I liked that one! :laugh:

I got a similar one

What's the difference between a trampoline and an accordian

You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

 

[biker1941]

The wife said its that saxophone or me.
I sure will miss her

 

[dan]

What's the best sound a banjo makes?

.....Splash!!!!!

 

[dan]

Another one for you,

What do you call somebody who hangs around with musicians?


.....a drummer!


Boom Boom

 

[old_git]

Mister Pete Sir, Mr. Pete Sir, those nasty people are telling anti Banjo and Accordion jokes, knowing full well that I still play both. Such gratitude after I fought in five World Wars to keep them free.

Of course we multi instrumentalist have our own answer.
How do you get two saxophonist to play in tune?
Shoot one.

Something else to ponder but not answer, where does a Military Drummer put his lyre?

 

[Greywolf]

The definition of a gentleman is a man who can play the accordian...

...but doesn't.


How do you know when the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

What's the point of an oboe?
You can use it to set fire to a bassoon.

(Actually that's sacrilege, the bassoon is a beautiful instrument).

That guy Bootman in Australia plays jazz bassoon doesn't he or am I tripping again.

 

[Jules]

A joke which really requires being delivered in a northern accent..

"Doctor Doctor, Ive just swallowed a penny whistle!"

"How odd, there was a woman here yesterday who'd swallowed a mouth organ"

"Ay that were Ar Monica"

Boom Boom, as Basil Brush used to say!

 

[dooce]

What do you say at the end of a great harmonica solo?

Thank God......

 

[spike]

Message to Mr. Greywolf - for some Jazz Bassoon check out - Illinois Jaquet - Round Midnight - from " The Blues That's Me " - album

 

[pete_canter]

What's the definition of a bass player? - a cross between a drummer and a musician!

What is perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo into a skip without it hitting the sides!

A semitone - two soprano saxophones playing in unison!

 

[Jules]

a horrendous fist fight between the guitarist and bass player is broken up by the rest of the band...

Singer- What on earth was that all about?

Bassist- I was playing and he leaned over and twiddled one of my tuning pegs!

Singer- So.....?

Bassist- He won't tell me which one!

 

[Mikec]

How do you know when there's a drummer knocking at your door?
It slows down!

How do you know when there's a female singer knocking at your door?
She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

[old_git]

Just in from a Cajun melodeon and banjo picking friend.

What's the difference between a fiddle player and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

 

[suethesax]

What do you call a girl on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

 

[Djangette]

Talking of trombonists . . . never trust a man whose horn changes shape when he's playing with it!

<runs>

 

[Col9]

Q: Why do clarinettists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zones. >.<

Q: If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an
in-tune tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
A: The out of tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate you are hallucinating :laugh:

Q: How does a lead guitarist change a lightbulb ?
A: He holds it up and the world revolves around him.
col.