Humor Gig Haikus

[jbtsax]

GIG HAIKUS
Jam session bassist
Observes fourteen soloists
Contemplates murder

Say, do you guys know
"Wedding Song" by Kenny G?
Buy the damn record

Riffing on " Rudolph "
Musicians in red and green
Learn humility

Best man pays sideman
Revealing greed of leader
Rebellion ensues

I'm sending a sub
But don't worry, he'll be fine
He's fresh from rehab

Solo pianist
Freed from all constraints of form
Heedlessly mangles

Jazz nymphs crowd bandstand
Offering carnal delights
My alarm clock rings

Double-timing bone
Sounds like somebody chewing
On a rubber band

Forty-two straight gigs
With no requests for "Take Five"
Time to call Guinness

Free jazz temptation
Strikes during the bride's first dance
What Would Wynton Do?

New Years revelers
Here's hoping the stroke of twelve
Sends you the hell home

Checking out women
High stages and Iow necklines
Great combination

A new world's record
For choruses on "A Train"
My band hates me now

That plate of hors d'oeuvres
Cost more than we're getting paid
Think We underbid?_

Break time is over
Rest of band is returning
Now for that phone call

Rock drummer, lounge keys
Classically trained singer
Welcome to sub hell

God bless trust fund gigs
Only have to eat ramen
For a few more weeks

My drummer helped me
Count the syllables in this
Haiku

 

[ellinas]

That was really fun. Thanks 🙂

 

[jbtsax]

Anyone care to add their own music related haiku. The format is simple. The first line has 5 syllables, the second 7, and the third 5. Here are a few of my feeble attempts. 🙂

Cannot find the key
Doesn't know when to come in
Singer at the door

Reed no longer works
Was playing fine yesterday
Gig ready to start

 

[Jimmymack]

Got a gig tonight
Can’t play low B or Bb
Think I’ve got a leak

 

[Jimmymack]

The drums are too loud
I can’t hear what I’m playing
I’m off to the bar

 

[Jeanette]

Saxophone is hard
So so many fingerings
Hard to play in tune

But who can resist
The sweet tones of soprano
Supporting baritone

I will not stop now
No matter how long it takes
I will tame the sax

🙂

Jx

 

[Jimmymack]

Another dud gig
Been playing all afternoon
Night begins to fall

 

[jbtsax]

His last name was Sax
Glad it wasn't Farkle
"Farklephone" is dumb

 

[Jeanette]

Mouthpiece gas has hit
Browsing eBay late at night
My bid might just win

 

[ParadisePoet]

Over jukebox lawns
July's burnished vintage horn
Be bops Salt Peanuts

 

[Jimmymack]

Altissimo screams
The audience is breathless
The dogs are howling

 

[Hipparion]

Honking 'n' screeching
Highway accident or just
Amateur quartet ?

 

[Jules]

Squeak, tootle, blat, honk
Crazy noodling noises
Free Jazz day is here

@Hipparion .... just spotted you are from the land of the giant robot elephant! One of my favourite discoveries of recent years...

 

[Targa]

Squeak, tootle, blat, honk
Crazy noodling noises
Free Jazz day is here

@Hipparion .... just spotted you are from the land of the giant robot elephant! One of my favourite discoveries of recent years...

Unless one of us has strange pronunciation your middle line is missing a syllable.

 

[Jules]

Unless one of us has strange pronunciation your middle line is missing a syllable.

cra- zy noo- dl-ing nois-es = 7

 

[Jules]

Sand it, scrape and file?

Save yourself all the hassle

This reed’s a gonner

 

[Targa]

cra- zy noo- dl-ing nois-es = 7

That's the difference noo-dling
Yous can't talk proper down there

 

[Jules]

That's the difference noo-dling
Yous can't talk proper down there

Down there.. I'm from Leeds.....

 

[Hipparion]

Squeak, tootle, blat, honk
Crazy noodling noises
Free Jazz day is here

@Hipparion .... just spotted you are from the land of the giant robot elephant! One of my favourite discoveries of recent years...

Indeed 'Les machines de l'île' and their mechanical elephant are based in my city. And they developed into far more than the elephant (there is a whole mechanical world-tree now) 🙂