I've been practicing some of the songs on the set list all week and actually felt I was improving both in reading and playing
🙂
At tonight's rehearsal I realised how far I am from their standard of playing so a lot of the time I either kept quiet or just played the notes I could
🙁
Still better than last week. One more week and one more rehearsal before my first ever gig
😱 
Believe me, I do remember how it feels!
Again, I suggest you stay focused on how much you're improving. And again, it often takes months for 'new players' to a) get used to playing in any band and b) to gradually get used to playing the band's repertoire. So it's no surprise to me that there's still a 'gap' between your standard of playing and that of other band members, who have been playing the same repertoire for many more months or even years.
FWIW (even after playing in amateur bands for some 25 years), I'm still relatively slow at learning to play new pieces. Mostly because I don't practice enough. But over the years, I've learned that ' learning to play - for me challenging - new pieces' is perhaps 30% (or less) based on the sheet music, about 40% (or more) based on my 'musical memory' and about 30% on 'muscle memory' built up over many months and years of rehearsing and playing the same pieces.
So breaking this down, there are (the easier) parts of a new number that I can learn to play quite quickly. There are also 'tricky' parts that I can't (yet) play. Certainly not from sight-reading and not (yet) from musical memory (although I know that the 'tricky parts' are coming up). It takes time to practice and rehearse the 'tricky parts' over and over again to develop some muscle memory of how to play the 'tricky parts' . In my experience, I start off being completely dumfounded but what I see on the sheet music. Although I can read it slowly, I can't sight-read it at speed. The next step for me is 'fudging it': skipping over fast/difficult runs but managing to hit the main notes on time. The final stage is gradually learning to play the 'tricky parts' as written. And - in new pieces - I sometimes just get 'lost: I don't know where 'the band' are in the sheet music and I can't find any (audible) musical cues to help me. Often I can pick up on an 'audible cue' that l can relate to the sheet music but not always.
Based on my amateur experience, I think your approach is fine! Try and follow the music (by reading along) and just play along with the (easier) bits that you can. At least, this is the advice that my Big Band gives to any new player. It's a vote of confidence in you that you've been invited to play at this gig. IMHO, this confidence is at least in part based on your musical ability to judge when and where you can contribute. As I previously said, whenever you feel that you
can contribute (even on just the 'easy bits') you contribute to the band and gain experience.
T.B.H., I think that if the band considered you to be an overconfident 'wild card' (trying to play 'parts' that you don't yet fully control, guessing at notes (and playing 'wrong notes' in pitch and/or timing), then I doubt whether you'd have been invited. My guess is that - whatever you do or don't play - you're considered a 'safe pair of hands'. And with the potential to become an established band member.
So be glad that this community band gives you all the time and opportunities you want to develop your 'band playing' experience. It sounds as if any 'anxiety/pressure' on your playing standard w.r.t. that of the band is your own rather than the band's.
Enjoy!
Mike
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