Playing the saxophone Scared to death and dragging my feet.

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ESJohn

ESJohn

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Ohio USA
It's been nine months since my wife suffered a setback in her health that required my time and attention to shift dramatically. We've reached a plateau of sorts to where she does well most of the time. The problem as it relates to the sax is that I've only been to one rehearsal since November and have had virtually no practice time at home. I feel like an absolute beginner. I've been waiting for the band's schedule to clear for the main part of the season, as I would be jumping into the middle of things with no time to master the music. They will be switching their focus to Christmas music beginning this week, so I think I'll be heading off to rehearsal this evening. Our leadership has 20 pieces chosen for us to work, including (once again) the full version of Sleigh Ride. We've attempted that one for the past several years and have always fallen back on a simpler one. I've played just over half of the tunes in the past. Hopefully, my brain will kick the dust off of what I learned in the past and I can learn the new tunes at the same pace as the other band members.
Part of me is looking for excuses to not begin again. Like Barry Mainlow sang, I've got to get that feeling again. I'm just not sure how long it will take.
I'll keep you posted.
 
I am sorry that your wife has had health problems. I have been in a similar situation. I wanted to get back to the band as soon as possible. When I did return, I soon slipped back into it all, to my relief. I think from the band's point of view they were glad to be up to full strength again. I was certainly pleased to be back with all the folks; it is a healthy diversion from home situations, for me. I am able to get to rehearsals only by having a carer for my wife. I bought a YDS-150 to give me silent practicing. But your problem seems similar to mine in that it is time that is in short supply with everything else to do. I hope that you went to the evening rehearsal and that it went well for you...and I hope with many happy returns to come.
 
I completely understand your feelings, @ESJohn . I lost my wife a year and a half ago, she had been ill for a long time, requiring a lot of care. It is so difficult watching your life partner struggle, helping all you can and knowing it’s maybe not quite enough. That’s just about all the heart has room for.

If your wife likes your playing, then maybe work up a song or two for her. My wife loved to hear me play, and I played Ceora for her every birthday; that was her favorite jazz tune. Maybe that’s a good way back in for you, as it will help you and her at the same time.

Regardless, a couple weeks and you will feel right at home. Music has great healing force. Please remember that you yourself also need healing, so try to keep playing.

My very best to you and your wife.
 
Hi,I have a similar issue,my partner of 18years,has health issues in the last 18 months and changed completely. I still work,and at moment getting by on 5hrs sleep before going to work,but my playing time is affected,also my other training what I do is now zero,have lost all my drive.Best wishes to both of you.
 
I'm pleased to read your wife is improving. Hope you make it back to playing, I am sure you will soon be back up to speed. Don't wait until you are feeling it, that will come in time 🙂

Jx
 
ESJohn said:
It's been nine months since my wife suffered a setback in her health that required my time and attention to shift dramatically. We've reached a plateau of sorts to where she does well most of the time. The problem as it relates to the sax is that I've only been to one rehearsal since November and have had virtually no practice time at home. I feel like an absolute beginner. I've been waiting for the band's schedule to clear for the main part of the season, as I would be jumping into the middle of things with no time to master the music. They will be switching their focus to Christmas music beginning this week, so I think I'll be heading off to rehearsal this evening. Our leadership has 20 pieces chosen for us to work, including (once again) the full version of Sleigh Ride. We've attempted that one for the past several years and have always fallen back on a simpler one. I've played just over half of the tunes in the past. Hopefully, my brain will kick the dust off of what I learned in the past and I can learn the new tunes at the same pace as the other band members.
Part of me is looking for excuses to not begin again. Like Barry Mainlow sang, I've got to get that feeling again. I'm just not sure how long it will take.
I'll keep you posted.
Read more…
Yes, please keep us posted. I know nothing about you or wife's situation, apart from what you write. But 'reading between the lines', it seems to me that you and your wife need (together) to find a good balance between your playing in the band and the care that your wife sometimes needs.

IMHO, 'playing in a band' should above all be 'enjoyable'. In other words 'without any undue pressure'.

My personal advice (just based on what you write) is to take as much time as you need to get into 'playing in the band' again. If you're not yet up to speed to play in any 'Christmas music performance', so what?

In our Big Band, we have two guiding principles:
- 'beginners' (which you effectively now are) take all the time they need - up to 6 months - to learn to play with the band; we encourage beginners to play what they can (the easy bits) and 'drop out' on sections of music that they can't (yet) play. An important criterion is that they can at least (after a few weeks/months) at least 'follow' the music. Even if they can't (yet) play all sections.
- some members are simply unable (through personal circumstances) to attend all rehearsals, Such as yours. And also members who have other 'personal circumstances'. For example work patterns, migraine, family circumstances and health issues.

Yes, 'missing' band members at rehearsals are often detrimental to rehearsals, And sometimes the band/MD decides that a member has 'missed too many rehearsals' to be able to perform adequately in an upcoming concert. But the band remains sympathetic to these band members who are just given a longer period to 'get up to speed' with the current repertoire.

So my general advice (just reading between the lines) is to agree a 're-integration timeline' that works best for you and your wife. Rather than getting too stressed out about being being able (or not) to meet the 'band's timeline'.

FWIW, I truly believe that you and your wife's wellbeing is much more important than any band's 'timeline'.

Mike
 
Don't know about your band, but could you join the rehearsals, but not commit to the next gig?

At least the pressure if off to perform. One thing about the group I play with is the social aspect, whatever we've got going in our lives we rally around each other. For many of us our Monday evenings are a break from real life, where we play music, have a laugh, chat nonsense.

Of course not at the sacrifice of your wife's wellbeing, but you also need to look after yourself.
 
Thanks to all of you for the kind words and encouragement.
So sorry to hear that many of you have experienced similar or even tougher situations than I. The most difficult times for us was last winter and spring. I had no time for any activities outside of the home. The only other time that I had been at a rehearsal was in late April. Looking back, that was probably a little too early. We will see a pain management doctor next week that will evaluate our situation and advise us as to what to expect in the months ahead. I wish all of you good days and health.
The rehearsal went much better than I expected. It was good to see some familiar faces again and to be able to play alongside of them. We started out by practicing chromatic scales and then worked on a few tunes that the band will be featuring in an August performance. The lion's share of the second hour was devoted to Charlie Brown Christmas.
There have been some changes since last year, as our director retired in April and one of the assistants took over. Just as in any organization, some that had left before having returned and some that were there in 2025 having left. The net result in the sax section is that there are now only two tenors and two altos, including myself. The trombone contingent seems to have grown but we still have only one percussionist. She was absent last evening.
I guess that I didn't need to be so hesitant. I was certainly welcomed and felt at home. Our new director even made a point to welcome me back to the fold. My wife told me afterwards that I just needed to be kicked out of the house!
 
Assuming you're not the only player on your part, if you can't work up certain section by the time the gig rolls around, just simplify (i.e., play the first in each group of fast notes) or lay out until the measures you can play roll around. Tried and true method since the beginning of time. I'm a decent player, but even I run into things I can't play perfectly when sight-reading. So I do one of the above until I get it. Luckily I'm rarely the only sax or the lead sax, so I can get away with it. If I were lead, I would indeed have to nail it on the gig.

For the tunes in question, find them on youtube, change the playback speed to .5 or .75 and play along, working one section at a time. I've played all the sax parts on the original Sleigh Ride a million times (seems like), and while challenging, they're definitely do-able for an intermediate player with practice.
 

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