I read and mostly I'm totally reliant on it. I can play by ear but it takes me ages, I'm better at it on an instrument I "can't play" (ie violin). Insane really, I can sing by ear!
This is especially interesting because you're a teacher. The first thing is at it's long been my theory (and I acknowledge that many disagree with me, respectfully or otherwise) that music is usually taught as the art of translating sheet music into the correct sound and this results in many musicians being absolutely dependent on the dots, unable to play without sheet music to read from. I'd be very interested in your view on this. I must emphasise that I see nothing wrong with this for musicians who will never need to play without sheet music.
The second proposition I want to try out on you is that it's easier for people who have learned initially to play by ear to learn to sight-read than it is for people who are dependent on sheet music to learn to play by ear. A few of my own musical heroes, particularly Louis Armstrong and Lester Young, played by ear initially but learned to read later on in order to play pre-arranged parts in big bands. What's your opinion?
Another opinion of mine which is hotly disputed is that some people are naturally more able to cope with sheet music while others find reading so difficult that they give up when they might have learned more easily to play by ear. Do you take on pupils who say from the outset, "no reading for me, I want to play by ear"? Do you ever find pupils who start reading but would make better progress playing by ear? If so, what do you do about it?
It's my impression that teachers who are able and willing to teach the "play by ear" route are in a minority because sheet music is the conventional way to teach and that they ought to be taught to teach "ear" so that they can offer both routes to musicianship. Again, I'd welcome your opinion.
If you go through this rather long thread you'll see how some readers struggle with learning "ear". We've tried to help them but it's a bit like the blind leading the blind. Have you any suggestions for a method of teaching dots-only musicians to play by ear?
Finally, my take on you being better at playing by ear on an instrument that you don't play: could it be that for you, learning to play an instrument is achieving a state where your finger, your lungs, your mouth etc. work automatically to produce the sounds that the sheet music requires? And, when you "can't play" an instrument, that means that you have to think about how to produce those sounds? Perhaps making the sound you want is the essence of playing by ear.