Dear Members a snippet not quite on par with Hal the Elders sad thread however quite disturbing to myself.
This morning as I sat at my breakfast table meditating as to the benefits of a flatbed toaster as opposed to a wide four slot Breville, when my reverie was interrupted by the crunch of bicycle wheels on my recently re-gravelled drive. I rose from the table and in my haste spilled half a cup of drinking chocolate (organic/slimline 85% cocoa.) This little disaster was nothing compared the yoke of shame I was about to be burdened with.
I hastened to my double bow window and espied the rider of the machine dismounting. The person in question being Parker (Nosey) to members, the head porter of my gentleman's club in London. He carried in his hand a heavily embossed envelope decorated with the sign of the dreaded four black balls. I hesitated before responding to his genteel but urgent rapping on my front door, himself totally disregarding the notice which boldly proclaimed `Tradesmen and servants back entrance.` (In English and a variety of Eastern European languages.)
I opened the door (Housekeepers half day off.) and Parker with what I can only describe as an insolent smirk on his lips thrust the envelope into my hand without as much as a good morning sir or doffing of his hat. (I must concede he was wearing a crash helmet.) He stood with his hand still outstretched awaiting the customary gratuity. I dug deep into the pocket of my corduroy trousers and placed a five pence piece in his hand. Without as much as a `By your leave Sir or a thank you` he turned recovered his bicycle from my bed of `Night Stock`
mounted and set off, his liveried coat tails flapping behind him.
Re-ntering the breakfast room I availed myself of a paper knife, ironically a gift from fellow members of the club as to my suggestion box note that ` Old retainers below the rank of Head of Hepartment should forcibly be retired at eighty years of age instead of the compulsory eighty five, and that the grace and favour room allocated to same have a rent increase in line with current London properties.
A sense of foreboding fell upon my person because the emblem of the black balls could only mean one thing and add to this the attitude of Nosey made what the letter contained pretty obvious.
Never the less I will reveal it`s contents and they are as follows addressed very formally giving my full rank and title instead of the name I was normally addressed by `Snadger` ( for those of you not acquainted with club vernacular this was in reference to my preference for `Snowball Turnips ` as a winter vegetable.)
You have guessed it fellow forum members I had been blackballed forbidden ever again to tread the exalted halls of the club I had loved for so many years. Been a hearty supporter of the ban on woman members and with reluctance agreed to a quarterly ` Ladies Night Dinners.` and this was my reward for loyalty.
And now the reason: I had complained bitterly to the Club Secretary about how the quality of the repast served for lunch on `Steak and Kidney Pudding Tuesday` had deteriorated (A tradition started when the club was founded in Pall Mall 1819 .) and the customary dessert `Spotted Dick with Creme Anglaise substituted with a choice of lemon or orange sorbets.
Unbeknown to me the Caterer/Supplier was the third cousin of the Secretary and the scribe had taken umbridge to my remarks, lobbied fellow members, and I was `Blackballed at an Extraordinary General Meeting. The attendees were listed but it was not disclosed who had cast the `blackball` but I have my suspicion.
For reasons of decorum I will not disclose the name of the club but it was the starting point of `Round the World in Eighty Days.`Regds. A rather forlorn N.
This morning as I sat at my breakfast table meditating as to the benefits of a flatbed toaster as opposed to a wide four slot Breville, when my reverie was interrupted by the crunch of bicycle wheels on my recently re-gravelled drive. I rose from the table and in my haste spilled half a cup of drinking chocolate (organic/slimline 85% cocoa.) This little disaster was nothing compared the yoke of shame I was about to be burdened with.
I hastened to my double bow window and espied the rider of the machine dismounting. The person in question being Parker (Nosey) to members, the head porter of my gentleman's club in London. He carried in his hand a heavily embossed envelope decorated with the sign of the dreaded four black balls. I hesitated before responding to his genteel but urgent rapping on my front door, himself totally disregarding the notice which boldly proclaimed `Tradesmen and servants back entrance.` (In English and a variety of Eastern European languages.)
I opened the door (Housekeepers half day off.) and Parker with what I can only describe as an insolent smirk on his lips thrust the envelope into my hand without as much as a good morning sir or doffing of his hat. (I must concede he was wearing a crash helmet.) He stood with his hand still outstretched awaiting the customary gratuity. I dug deep into the pocket of my corduroy trousers and placed a five pence piece in his hand. Without as much as a `By your leave Sir or a thank you` he turned recovered his bicycle from my bed of `Night Stock`
mounted and set off, his liveried coat tails flapping behind him.
Re-ntering the breakfast room I availed myself of a paper knife, ironically a gift from fellow members of the club as to my suggestion box note that ` Old retainers below the rank of Head of Hepartment should forcibly be retired at eighty years of age instead of the compulsory eighty five, and that the grace and favour room allocated to same have a rent increase in line with current London properties.
A sense of foreboding fell upon my person because the emblem of the black balls could only mean one thing and add to this the attitude of Nosey made what the letter contained pretty obvious.
Never the less I will reveal it`s contents and they are as follows addressed very formally giving my full rank and title instead of the name I was normally addressed by `Snadger` ( for those of you not acquainted with club vernacular this was in reference to my preference for `Snowball Turnips ` as a winter vegetable.)
You have guessed it fellow forum members I had been blackballed forbidden ever again to tread the exalted halls of the club I had loved for so many years. Been a hearty supporter of the ban on woman members and with reluctance agreed to a quarterly ` Ladies Night Dinners.` and this was my reward for loyalty.
And now the reason: I had complained bitterly to the Club Secretary about how the quality of the repast served for lunch on `Steak and Kidney Pudding Tuesday` had deteriorated (A tradition started when the club was founded in Pall Mall 1819 .) and the customary dessert `Spotted Dick with Creme Anglaise substituted with a choice of lemon or orange sorbets.
Unbeknown to me the Caterer/Supplier was the third cousin of the Secretary and the scribe had taken umbridge to my remarks, lobbied fellow members, and I was `Blackballed at an Extraordinary General Meeting. The attendees were listed but it was not disclosed who had cast the `blackball` but I have my suspicion.
For reasons of decorum I will not disclose the name of the club but it was the starting point of `Round the World in Eighty Days.`Regds. A rather forlorn N.
