Playing the saxophone Hiatus from Gigging

[mark_addy]

For being toxic, demeaning and non-collaborative.

Well, I guess honesty is always good, and it beats the old cliche of 'musical differences' 🙂

 

[Grumps]

It was a nearly six year ride. Rehearsing nearly every week and gigging every weekend plus. We traveled together, even roomed together and most of it was some of the best fun I'd ever had with a band. When I found them, they were begging for beers on the streets of Eastport. When I left them, they were making their best money ever, headlining at the best club in town (my booking), branching out in DC and Baltimore and were voted best band in town for two years running. The owner/leader got to the point where he believed all he had to do was dress guys up and send 'em out blowing. And tell you the truth, they can get away with that. To me though, it was all about the product and I was very hard on the guys; most of which had never truly worked as a musician. I had rules and they had to follow them. Plus the owner/leader lived nearby and basically drove me to all the gigs... which rubbed some of the other guys the wrong way. While I had his ear though, we had a nice product. Then came the mutiny. Now they make noise again. And I'm actually better for it. It was time to go and I needed the break. And did I mention that at least two dropped dead? So far. Another reason to get out.

 

[Grumps]

Well, I guess honesty is always good...

Thinking a bit more about all this, honesty was not welcome with this group. In the final kiss-off, one member set forth that I had no filter (along with the toxic, demeaning, non-collaborative thing) and I know the exact moment he was done with me in this regard.

First the set-up. I live in a town where a lot of people have a lot of money; including a bunch of guys in this band. Many have a sense of entitlement... like bringing their wives to crash a wedding we're doing. Seriously. This is the sort of thing I had to go hard on. Some of our gigs were in the gated community the guy I referenced above lives in. I remember one scenic wedding we did there on the water with a picturesque view of the Severn with all the guests seated and the couple doing their vows. That's when a late arriving bandmate, who we left messages with NOT TO COME shows up in his P.O.S. minivan driving over the grass RIGHT NEXT TO THE WEDDING PARTY LEAVING HIS CAR THERE WHERE NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE! Then jumps out of his car... not yet in full uniform to join the band WHICH IS IN HIDING TO SURPRISE THE COUPLE AFTER THEIR VOWS!!! Yeah, he violated RULE ONE. YOU DON'T **** UP A WEDDING!!! When it was over, I let him have it. I mean... this guy can't play to begin with and was a holdover from their purely amateur days and needed to go. Well, no. I was the villain. I was mean. Most telling, is this guy is still with them.

But to that moment I referred to above... that came later when we were playing another job in that hoity-toity, gated, exclusive community (which is funny because the band now advertises itself as "inclusive"... seriously). We're on the that guy's deck who lived there and their wives were all going on about playing tennis. So I tell them that me and my wife will kick their asses anytime, any place (and we don't even play... I'm just having fun). They look at me like, what??? What is going on here? "Oh", I tell them... "I'm just kidding. I don't play tennis... as I never felt the need to be rich" That's when I had to go.

 

[mark_addy]

Thinking a bit more about all this, honesty was not welcome with this group. In the final kiss-off, one member set forth that I had no filter (along with the toxic, demeaning, non-collaborative thing) and I know the exact moment he was done with me in this regard.

First the set-up. I live in a town where a lot of people have a lot of money; including a bunch of guys in this band. Many have a sense of entitlement... like bringing their wives to crash a wedding we're doing. Seriously. This is the sort of thing I had to go hard on. Some of our gigs were in the gated community the guy I referenced above lives in. I remember one scenic wedding we did there on the water with a picturesque view of the Severn with all the guests seated and the couple doing their vows. That's when a late arriving bandmate, who we left messages with NOT TO COME shows up in his P.O.S. minivan driving over the grass RIGHT NEXT TO THE WEDDING PARTY LEAVING HIS CAR THERE WHERE NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE! Then jumps out of his car... not yet in full uniform to join the band WHICH IS IN HIDING TO SURPRISE THE COUPLE AFTER THEIR VOWS!!! Yeah, he violated RULE ONE. YOU DON'T **** UP A WEDDING!!! When it was over, I let him have it. I mean... this guy can't play to begin with and was a holdover from their purely amateur days and needed to go. Well, no. I was the villain. I was mean. Most telling, is this guy is still with them.

But to that moment I referred to above... that came later when we were playing another job in that hoity-toity, gated, exclusive community (which is funny because the band now advertises itself as "inclusive"... seriously). We're on the that guy's deck who lived there and their wives were all going on about playing tennis. So I tell them that me and my wife will kick their asses anytime, any place (and we don't even play... I'm just having fun). They look at me like, what??? What is going on here? "Oh", I tell them... "I'm just kidding. I don't play tennis... as I never felt the need to be rich" That's when I had to go.

That's funny, and I identify with it. I had a govt scholarship to a fee-paying private school, despite being a social misfit with a housewife Mum and a machinist Dad. If I had been wise I would have kept a low profile, and if I had been mature I would have played the game and learned to exploit it. Instead I became a massive inverted snob, and have blown up all sorts of things ever since
🙂

(Edit - the wedding thing is really f***** stupid. Life is hard enough, getting engaged to do something is tricky, and delivering can be difficult. Without adding just being a d*ck.)