Worldwide security :)))

Taz

Busking Oracle
Messages
3,627
Location
Rugby UK
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "****, I hope Austrulia will come and rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called " Bondi Beach ".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.


NO OFFENCE IS INTENDED BY THIS POST (IF YOU DO FIND IT OFFENSIVE HOWEVER....GET OVER IT!) :)))
 

oldcorollas

Member
Messages
50
Location
Sapporo
It's not so bad for Aussies to cancel a BBQ... but the final security level is
"**** we've run out of beer!!!" :D


(this level may not be used until well after the nuclear winter.. which conveniently helped keep the remaining beer cold once the power went out ;) )
 

AlanU

Member
Messages
628
Location
Enfield, North London
How frightful!
Thank goodness we're British, what!

Do you remember the Flanders & Swan song of 'Patriotic Predudice'?
It's theme is about how 'The Englishmans splendid, the Englishmans nice, and worth all the others at double the price'.

Having rubbished just about everyone the final verse rounds up the few who had escaped.
'And as for the others you cannot say much, for the likes of the Belgians, the Danes and the Dutch, they argue with umpires and cheer when they've won. And practice beforehand, which spoils all the fun'.

Pip pip
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Top Bottom