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Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice .

navarro

Senior Member
Messages
863
Hi all I have given a lot of thought to this and would be interested for other members to put forward suggestions related to same.

I recently had to deal with this problem from a neighbour who was constantly harassing me.

His attack consisted of missives posted through my front door. An abusive note inserted into a bottle and put into my garden pond. And a daubed message on a re-cycled Salvation Army Banner which read `All Saxophonists are Spawned in Hell.` which his lady wife and himself paraded shamelessly in front of the `Silver Fox and Vixens` pensioners club.(Fair is fair though and full credit to him and his lady for re-cycling.)

I counter attacked in the following manner.

Method 1 (Rating fair.) Creep into the complainants garden after sunrise and mutilate his prize cucumber or other vegetable dear to his/her heart. (To allay suspicion leave a note stating. `Greenflies Were Here`

Method 2. (Rating moderate to fair.) Spray paint his/her front door with the legend `I know you eat from a Kentucky Fried Chicken Bargain Basket every Friday.

Method 3 (Rating Exceptional.} (Caution, to be used only on male complainants.) Send him a note made up of letters cut from a newspaper not one he knows you read. (In my case the N.E.)

Transcribed as follows. Black is not the real colour of your syrup you have it professionally dyed on pensioners discount day at Toni and Guys. Signed Anonymous. (Note to our transatlantic cousins `Syrup is in reference to the Cockney Slang `Syrup of Figs.` or wig, toupee,hairpiece. etc.

Any suggestion worthy may be considered for inclusion in my soon to be privately published book. `Urban Terrorism it`s many aspects explored in particular reference to Musicians.` Sydney Bechets third great cousin has been approached to write a foreword. Regds. Helpful N.
 

aldevis

Surrealist Contributor.
Cafe Moderator
Messages
12,125
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

tell them you know me

pearly two small.jpg
 

Taz

Busking Oracle
Messages
3,661
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

If he goes out for the night, insert a hose pipe through an upstairs window and leave it on overnight! If there are no open windows, a letterbox should suffice.
More suggestions to follow once I've tested them on my own neighbours.
 

Targa

Among the pigeons
Subscriber
Messages
8,896
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

Hold a sing song outside his bedroom window at 3am.
Leave unidentifiable bits of dead things on his doorstep.
Defecate in his flowerbeds.
 

oldblower

Member
Messages
99
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

Im lucky the neighbours are great have some christmas requests already, mind you I'm lucky and do most of my scales etc during the day when they are out!
If i could l would steal there mobile phone and add a kenny G ringtone and then ring them now and again.
 

navarro

Senior Member
Messages
863
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

Hold a sing song outside his bedroom window at 3am.
Leave unidentifiable bits of dead things on his doorstep.
Defecate in his flowerbeds.
Great, can I have one of your kittens. Double Purr N.
 

navarro

Senior Member
Messages
863
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

If he goes out for the night, insert a hose pipe through an upstairs window and leave it on overnight! If there are no open windows, a letterbox should suffice.
More suggestions to follow once I've tested them on my own neighbours.
Like that one Taz unfortunately said neighbour is a keen scuba diver. Regds. Sing with the Whales. N.
 

navarro

Senior Member
Messages
863
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

Im lucky the neighbours are great have some christmas requests already, mind you I'm lucky and do most of my scales etc during the day when they are out!
If i could l would steal there mobile phone and add a kenny G ringtone and then ring them now and again.
Hi OB nice to have neighbours like that no doubt they are suffering from The Good King Wenceslas Syndrome. Banish the dark thought ref. Mr G. from your mind. Regds. Peace. on Earth and Goodwill to all Mankind N.
 

Corona4007

Member
Messages
69
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

Amp up a really great sounding sax number and they might just actually like it :confused:
 

What

Member
Messages
314
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

I know some fine gents from a local biker bar who could "convince" them that saxophonist are always worth hearing no matter when, where or how loud. Did not know that the local camper knew me till I dropped into the bar a few months ago and they started buying me drinks :confused:

No violence, just some rather large fellows who look like they mar start eating from the rock garden at any moment, having a conversation.
 

MellowD

Lost In Theory
Messages
544
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

I'm really lucky. All my neighbours are at least half an acre away either side to the north and south, and east and west are empty fields. My only critics are my dogs!

I figured that if I had neighbours who could hear me, I'd at least get feedback on whether I was improving.

Scratch that on the grounds of musical taste (if any) - one neighbour came around to a New Year party where I had perpetual music on shuffle. When a slow drone of bagpipes started to wail out for Scotland, I forwarded it on - THEY complained that this was the only decent music all night and thought all the other stuff was awful. Naturally THEY were massively outnumbered!!

In the end, it's all a matter of taste - or none at all!
 

navarro

Senior Member
Messages
863
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

I'm really lucky. All my neighbours are at least half an acre away either side to the north and south, and east and west are empty fields. My only critics are my dogs!

I figured that if I had neighbours who could hear me, I'd at least get feedback on whether I was improving.

Scratch that on the grounds of musical taste (if any) - one neighbour came around to a New Year party where I had perpetual music on shuffle. When a slow drone of bagpipes started to wail out for Scotland, I forwarded it on - THEY complained that this was the only decent music all night and thought all the other stuff was awful. Naturally THEY were massively outnumbered!!

In the end, it's all a matter of taste - or none at all!
Yes MD I envy your geographical location . and I`ll Bow Wow to your canine critics.:) Best regards from N.
 

Tenor Viol

Full of frets in North Shropshire
Subscriber
Messages
5,946
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

N - given your location, I would have thought the boys and girls of OG's gang could be asked to 'hang around' your postcode. I'm sure your neighbours would pay handsomely to not trip over the zimmer frames and other bits of metalwork (baritone saxes and the like).

If this doesn't encourage improved neighbourliness, my chamber choir needs to start rehearsing Christmas music - we could practise in front of their house? We will be doing the next six Mondays from 8 - 10pm is that's of any assistance?

You will need to provide tea and sandwiches for 30.

If this tactic fails, the choral society can be brought in on Wednesdays as reinforcements. You'll need a large urn - and more cakes - there's about 105. You'll also need a 3 manual pipe organ.

If yo need to go 'nuclear': Saturday's beginners' orchestra, which includes novice violinists, flautists, clarinettists, four beginner trumpet players, 2 trombones, Eb horn, double bass, cello and me on alto sax.

Happy to split the 'what does it take for you not to play here' proceeds with you.

PS If that fails, the main community orchestra is violins, violas, cellos (inlcuding me), double bass, flutes (including piccolo), multiple clarinets, two french horns, two trumpets, trombone, two Eb tubas. That is Saturday mornings 10.30 - 1.30.

The ultimate weapon is a group of 6 year olds on descant recorder.
 
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Targa

Among the pigeons
Subscriber
Messages
8,896
Re: Ways in which to combat neighbours who complain about noise during your practiice

I'm really lucky. All my neighbours are at least half an acre away either side to the north and south, and east and west are empty fields. My only critics are my dogs!

I figured that if I had neighbours who could hear me, I'd at least get feedback on whether I was improving.

Scratch that on the grounds of musical taste (if any) - one neighbour came around to a New Year party where I had perpetual music on shuffle. When a slow drone of bagpipes started to wail out for Scotland, I forwarded it on - THEY complained that this was the only decent music all night and thought all the other stuff was awful. Naturally THEY were massively outnumbered!!

In the end, it's all a matter of taste - or none at all!
Depending on what the other stuff was I might agree with the bagpipe lovers, I've always liked the sound of the pipes and sometimes play scottish music on the sax.
 
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