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Permission of the CaSLM sought

half diminished

Senior Member
Messages
1,361
Location
Buckinghamshire
Oh wonderous and bountiful leader. Wretched though I am, your humble and unworthy servant respectfully requests safe passage though your lands to the place that is inhabited by the mighty Grif on Thursday 20th August.

In payment your humble servent offers refreshment at a local hostalry which I trust will be acceptable to your venerable magnificence in light of the recent granting of safe passage for Young Col to LB.
 

SLoB

Member
Messages
102
Location
Bishop's Stortford
HD

Have you got your leave of absence permit (in triplicate)?

Mind you, if it is a short venture a day pass (in duplicate) may suffice.

I seem to recall that Young C had a tough time struggling through the choking fumes of the heavy traffic to get through that region to the south of the great divide on his way to LB. Once you leave the green and pleasant pastures that we are used to remember to take your gas mask for use in emergencies (e.g. should you get caught on the London orbital car park).

Have a good time.

S
 

old git

Tremendous Bore
Need to call a Special General Meeting and although you have gained a number of brownie points for 'Sickening Obeisance', the Croydon High Street gutters are rather dirty at the moment and human blood is a wonderful cleaner and cheaper than Cillit Bang. (Those drummers get everywhere).

We will despatch an armour piercing arrow from our modified bass saxophone trebuchet that will bear our democratic decision.

BTW:-You are aware that Griff is the CaSLM West Country Ambassador, so if the decision goes against allowing you access, Griff is duty bound to wreak a terrible revenge should you evade our Border Controls.

Have a nice day. :cheers:
 

Young Col

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,423
Location
Coulsdon, London/Surrey
Your Excellency Mr Half Diminished
I have consulted with the highly steamed Mr Git and given that moll Pauline has consented and that you have leave of absence granted by SLoB, we would be pleased to see you down here in the Southern climes of Croydon. Unfortunately we can't guarantee you safe passage round the M25.

Mr OG has himself agreed to a rare public appearance although will probably be disguised in prosthetic beard, Melodian T shirt and sandals. I need some mpc patches from Myall's as well.

Don't know how well you know the area and where to park, so will PM you re arrangements and hope we can get Griff to join us for a bite.

Cheers
Colin
 
OP
half diminished

half diminished

Senior Member
Messages
1,361
Location
Buckinghamshire
I'm aiming to be with Griff for 9.30am. If he doesn't mind I will hand around whilst he tinkers so I guess whatever we'll be done by 10.30am though I have an 'all-day' pass. I'll PM everyone my mobile number.
 

SLoB

Member
Messages
102
Location
Bishop's Stortford
Our thoughts go with you.

When they extend the hand of friendship watch the other (and keep all your pockets sown up!)

Please take with you the warm greetings from all of us up here to all of them down there.

We hope to see your safe return, but just in case we have dusted the cobwebs from our WMDs (we have been practising our Altissimo on our Soprillos >:) ).

Now down to practicalities: in the event of your non return have you donated your Saxes to those who know best how to look after them; I would of course be very willing to take temporary custody for safe keeping ...

Have fun and all the best (it was nice knowing you!) :D
 

old git

Tremendous Bore
Bearing a flag of truce, the Official CaSLM delegation met Ian, Half Diminished yesterday under the Rules of the Croydon United Nations Representative, Jon Myall at his music Emporium.
Felicitous Saxophone Greetings were exchanged and agreement to cement the relationship with a meal in a nearby hostelry where YC bought the drinks and I bought the food, two Cæsar Salads, one with chicken and a Gourmet Burger for Ian. HD explained that he was a salesman and asked if he could have the receipts as he wished to reclaim it on expenses. After adding two noughts to the pound columns, the CaSLM handed them over like the gentlemen we are.
Following exchanges of ritual insults the conversation included jazz, steam locomotives and IT, whatever that is; the Official Zimmer Retainer had to go to the men's room as fourteen pints of Dandelion and Burdock proved too much for his bladder. Whilst YC was absent, HD seized the Gold Zimmer Frame and ran out whooping ecstatically. CaSLM Border Control was contacted and the Gold Zimmer Frame returned. Despite this appalling display of manners, HD will be invited to the next 'Lunch and Blow' but will be escorted by Lemmy and Fingers at all time.
 
OP
half diminished

half diminished

Senior Member
Messages
1,361
Location
Buckinghamshire
Don't believe all that you read - OG speak with forked tongue!

After a great start to the day and a pleasant journey down things didn't end so well!

Watching the Griff-meister in full flow was am honor and a privilege. The '66R now sounds so sweet and with a lighter set-up and a couple of leaks fixed mrs hd says I sound just like John Coltrane, and she should know being she's such a jazz aficionado and sax prodigy.

Other good news came from the Emporium whose esteemed leader JM informed me of the recent sale of my SX90R alto for a 'bag of sand' - awesome. So I would return north was a nice load of moolah!

Anyways, the CaLM were being unnervingly pleasant but I knew it couldn't last. Leaving YC in charge of beverages was a bad move despite there being Green King and Pedigree I end up with some unknown 'small brewery' swill thought the hostelry food was good.

OG insisted on paying and suggested I took a receipt despite my saying I'd not be able to claim this back on expenses. I later understood his instance when being stopped by the Kings Road Mafia - he'd encoded a secret message on the receipt! You might ask how I ended up with the KR Mafia! I'll come on to that.

YC suggested I take the Zimmer, sell it and send the proceeds to the BR charity appeal. At first I said no, knowing theft to be wrong, but YC assured me that it was the right thing to do and after the partaking of the 'real ale' I couldn't help agreeing to carry out the deed. I left with Zimmer.

After meeting 'Billy the fish' at YCs suggestion - he's a local fence YC uses for his stolen goodies, I was astonished to find out that the Zimmer was in fact 'hot' having been stolen by OG some time earlier and was also not even real gold! "Billy' suggested he dispose of it. Liar! He just sent it back to OG!

So I continued on my way home, though 'Sat Nav' was suggesting a strange route after selecting 'Go Home'. Well. I was glad to be on my way. Well, an hour later, I'm totally confused and heading along the Kings Road only to get pulled over by the KRM for not getting permission to enter their airspace. How and why was I entering Central Landan?

I can't bring my self to describe the threats and intimidation I was suffering until I mentioned the CaSLM and then things improved. They too have a hatred of OG and after a brief investigation they confirmed that he had doctored my Sat Nav having changed the 'Home Address' to one in Pimlico! I was so close to having to pay Congestion Charges! So you dastardly plan was foiled OG!

To cut a long story short, the KRM gave me safe passage back to the M4/M25 and after a three hour journey I arrived safely home.

So a day of two halfs and a lucky escape for me!
 

Young Col

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,423
Location
Coulsdon, London/Surrey
The only thing left out of OGs account - apart from his accuracy in counting to 14 pints, which I am really not sure of - is that our greeting formalities were conducted in a side room of the Palais Jonathon Myall where the wizard Griff holds court. While chatting amiably he magicked several old and damaged saxes back to life with no more than a few small tools, a ciggy lighter and pressure from his fingers.

I'm outraged Ian. What do you mean not real gold? Wait 'til I I see Billy the Fish.

Next time I'll tell you quick way back to the M25!
 

old git

Tremendous Bore
Just to clear the situation up slightly, the Zimmer frame is question is Croydon and Sarf Lundun Masive's number two. Number three is the solid eighteen carat gold JazzWise visit model, yesterday's number two is used for Royal, Presidential or Valued Guest occasions and Billy the Fish is correct, as not wishing to be too ostentatious, it is gold plated platinum. Number one, used for Russian or any Mafia supremos and those of similar status, is the Kohinor diamond recut and fabricated into a Zimmer frame and zinc coated. From this you may gather that the diamond in the Tower of London is bogus but please don't let on as we hate to disappoint the tourists.
 
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