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ox liver au mer

This is one from my pre-vegetarian past.


Ox liver. Quantity as required.


Ship's cat (ours was black, but other colours may do, provided that they are prepared to steal anything edible.)
Ships range, coal burning. Fuel for same.

Time to cook:

About the time it takes to get half a dozen miles against a foul tide with a favourable but failing breeze.


Ensure your butcher puts the liver in a sealed - repeat sealed - plastic bag. On this the success of the recipe depends.

Place the sealed - repeat sealed - bag in the oven of your ship's range (unlit) in order that the cat may not steal it.

Leave anchorage and bend a course towards a more secluded spot further down the coast for a romantic dinner and night communing with nature and being rocked to sleep on the briny.

As night begins to close in and the breeze gets fainter but cooler, the range must be lit and stoked to provide a suitably warm and romantic atmosphere in cabin for the evening meal.

IMPORTANT: The fact that the liver was hidden in the oven out of the way of the cat must be forgotten.

As the anchor is let go and the yacht rounds up into the wind, care must be taken not to lower the mainsail over the chimney, if the cabin is not to be filled with smoke. Sails stowed, skipper and crew must now yell "Oh no, the liver!" and stampede below, throwing open the door to the oven.

The plastic bag will be found to have expanded like a football while the liver sits in a bath of its own juices.

A brief discussion should ensue regarding the possibility of throwing the lot overboard, on account of the liver being cooked in plastic. This should be immediately overruled on the grounds of (a) miserliness (here its cost should be recited) (b) practicality and (c) hunger pangs.

The bag should then be broached and a tentative sample taken.

Amazing discovery: it will be found that the liver is cooked to absolute perfection and so tender that it may be scooped up with a teaspoon. It will resemble pate, and the flavour will be more delicate that when cooked in any other way.

Serving suggestions:

Instead of the intended liver and onions we had liver pate, chips and onion rings in batter, washed down with a couple of bottles of Australian Cabernet Sauvignon. But our choice was limited... yours may not be.

Other exciting recipes follow...


Scottish Borders
lol. There seems to be a lot of Ox liver and diced heart around very cheaply at the moment. 51p's worth of ox heart plus veg and a stock cube into a wonderful invention. (Electric soup maker.) 28 minutes later a super soup. Excellent Christmas present.

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