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Miscellaneous More accordion abuse

Jack

Member
Messages
123
Locality
Silvis, IL
What's a gentleman? - Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't. What do you call an accordion player with a beeper? - An optimist. What's the range of an accordion? - Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist? - Terrorists have sympathisers. What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? - No-one cries when you chop up an accordion. What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina? - The accordion takes longer to burn. What's an accordion good for? - Learning how to fold a map. Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? - So they don't disgrace themselves in parades. If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building, which one lands first? - Who cares? What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? - The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. What do you call ten accordions at the bottom of the ocean? - A good start. What do you call a group of topless female accordion players? - Ladies in Pain. How do you protect a valuable instrument? - Hide it in an accordion case. What's the definition of perfect pitch? - When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides. What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? - Their personalities. What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion? - A chainsaw can be tuned. What's the difference between a road-killed skunk and a road-killed accordian player? - The skid marks in front of the skunk.
 

Tenortoon

Member
Messages
47
I lived in Ireland for a bunch of years. There are numerous, numerous, accordions in Ireland. I think they breed them there. A few "trad" (not traditional JAZZ, no, Traditional Irish folk music) gigs saw the early onset of my deepening psychosis and fondness for belt-fed weapons. There is a very good reason why they call them Irish "Reels".... .
 

Young Col

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,420
Locality
Coulsdon, London/Surrey
I have no great love of the accordian, but did you ever hear Bus Moten on it? He could swing.
OG wears a melodian T-shirt so you guys had better watch out!
 

kernewegor

Bon vivant, raconteur and twit
Messages
1,736
Locality
cocks hill perranporth KERNOW
I'm happy to listen to box players playing ceilidh music, also the genre of French and Italian music often referred to as 'cafe music'.

Having enough drink taken and a sufficient quantity of attractive girls dancing in short skirts helps to swing the balance, if you are otherwise unenthusiastic...

And if there is a good whistle player it gets really interesting... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1T2LZqrbzY

Now when there is a good uilleann piper I'm solid gone...
 

Jules

Formerly known as "nachoman"
Messages
4,918
Locality
brighton by the sea
I'm going to put my hand up as pro accordion- mainly due to being a huge fan of Zydeco music- one of 'em in the hands of Queen Ida or Clifton Chenier consisitutes a fantastic powerhosue base for a Louisiana style dance band.....
 

Reed Warbler

Senior Member
Messages
617
Locality
Marciac, France
Lured by a huge fee, I once did a new year's eve gig with a piano accordionist led band. At half time I had to go to another room and be relief bass player with yet another braces piano player only this time it was Jack Emblow, reputedly Britain's finest. I went to the gig with an open mind but it soon closed again, despite Jack's nimble fingers and sardonic wit. I just loathe the sound, it's a personal blind spot shared by kazoos.
 

Andrew Sanders

Northern Commissioner for Caslm
Messages
2,770
Locality
Ilkley West Yorkshire
Saw the Orkney Folkies "Lau" recently and their accordianist Martin Green was superb, using loops of
breathing noises from the instrument to create a backing track. Check them out on youtube.
As a banjo player it's good to see someone else taking the flak though.
 

kevgermany

ex Landrover Nut
Café Supporter
Messages
21,912
Locality
Just north of Munich
And what about the Bandoneon, the core of so much wonderful South American music, especially Piazolla's?
 

old git

Tremendous Bore
Messages
5,540
Locality
The Palm Tree strewn Wandle Surf Beach under the o
I'm going to put my hand up as pro accordion- mainly due to being a huge fan of Zydeco music- one of 'em in the hands of Queen Ida or Clifton Chenier consisitutes a fantastic powerhosue base for a Louisiana style dance band.....

Also try Cajun, played on diatonic, bi-sonoric melodeons. If your foot doesn't tap to one and two steps, then your ECG will be blank.
 

Reed Warbler

Senior Member
Messages
617
Locality
Marciac, France
Thanks to everyone trying to persuade me of sqeeze box merit but I wont be listening to their suggested items. There is only so much time available and I would rather be playing sax than trying to overcome the prejudice of a life time. I've gigged with accordions, suffered their clatter and wheeze at many a french market, paid to see Richard Galliano (great musician, just dont like his instrument), Maybe the accordion's lack of touch sensitivity has something to do with it or the inability to bend notes, or its general subtlety shortfall. Whatever, it is a good subject for jokes! And there is still evidence of a smidgen of brain activity between my ears, Old Git. Enough to get bored by two chord tunes of little melodic worth.
 
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kernewegor

Bon vivant, raconteur and twit
Messages
1,736
Locality
cocks hill perranporth KERNOW
If you listen to nothing else, listen to this - preferably on a wide screen if you have one, with a bottle of your favourite beverage... put your feet up if you can desist dancing...

La Bottine Souriant... tenor sax, bones, box, fiddles, trumpet, whistle, blues harp, guitars, bass, drums, chanson unaccompanied but for the sound of a man dancing - sitting down.... a gang of loony Québécois playing to a large, lively and enthusiastic Québécois audience ... happy music, infectious... swings like mad....

To encourage you - the box is not there on every number, and when it is played it does not dominate... but it always swings...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYza0wxs7Ic
 
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Targa

Among the pigeons
Café Supporter
Messages
9,461
Locality
KIC 8462852
Lured by a huge fee, I once did a new year's eve gig with a piano accordionist led band. At half time I had to go to another room and be relief bass player with yet another braces piano player only this time it was Jack Emblow, reputedly Britain's finest. I went to the gig with an open mind but it soon closed again, despite Jack's nimble fingers and sardonic wit. I just loathe the sound, it's a personal blind spot shared by kazoos.
What's wrong with the Kazoo?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBQSVY0_XjU
 

Young Col

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,420
Locality
Coulsdon, London/Surrey
Nothing. I've got two kazoos. Both given to me by the "Clue" team. In fact Mrs YC has two kazoos as well for the same reason.
 

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