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life can be cruel

My mum passed away today after being diagnosed with vascular dementia five months ago.
as a result of this illness this wonderful women changed from the loving mother and grandmother that we all knew, into a helpless, frightened, frail, creature who only fleetingly, recognized her children and grandchildren and then the fog would descend again.
my mum often told me that her biggest fear was ending up in a nursing home and thats exactly what happened what a cruel world this can be sometimes.

Fraser Jarvis

Well-Known Member
So sorry Zootsaxenberger to hear of you loss, they say time is a great healer but for me losing my Mum 29 years ago i still think of her most every day and every time i happen to look at her piano i swear i can hear her play as clear as if it was only five minuites ago.

One conselation for me, i guess you could call it, i never had to watch either my Mother or Father wither away in an old folks home, that must be a terrible thing to go through.

Condolances but keep strong!


ex Landrover Nut
Condolences from me too. Really hard time. Death sometimes comes as a blessing, I'd rather see someone go, than watch them suffer. My parents are both still alive, but every time they go back after visiting I wonder if it was the last time. Remember the good times, not the end. Wonderful people are too few in this world.


Well-Known Member
Condolences Mate ...

Mum's seem to leave a big hole in family life, when they pass on ...

Regards mate ...

Think of her often ...


Senior Member
So sorry to hear. I see so many different faces of death every day, and I do agree with Kev, it does come as a blessing many times. Please remember all the great moments. I know how you must be feeling right now but it will go away.
My sincere condolences.

Andrew Sanders

Northern Commissioner for Caslm
Sorry to hear of your loss Zoot. I lost my Mum 6 years ago under similar circumstances. As good as some of these residential homes are you can't help feeling pangs of guilt. Thinking of you mate.


Busking Oracle
I too offer my sincerest condolences. As others have said, time is a healer.
I lost my dad two years ago just before Christmas after an eleven week stay in hospital. He was so proud of my achievements with my sax. I had an audition with my former band "Johnny and the Zephyrs" on the night before he died. I got the job but was never able to tell him. I think I made up for it though, I played at his funeral and that made me feel proud that he was my dad!
Cherish your memories, it's what they are for.


So sorry for your loss ♥ my sincere condolences to you and your family.

From personal experience I can assure you that the pain fades, and is replaced by love and happy memories of your dear Mum. Hang on to the joy she brought to you and your family, it helps you get through.

old git

Tremendous Bore
Your mother will never really die whilst you remember her, Zoot.

Perhaps John Donne's line "And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee" is pertinent.

Play some blues, it is appropriate.


Well-Known Member
My sympathies. My mum died a couple of years ago. Take things as easy as you can.

Pete Thomas

Chief of Stuff
Commercial Supporter
Very sorry to hear that, my grandmother dies with vascular dementia, and my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers two years ago and is now in a nursing home. The "fog" you mention is very gradually descending, and we can only hope that within that fog life for them is good, or at least not too bad. For the family it is very distressing, especially hard and scary for the young children to understand what is happening. I visit once a week with my 11 year old son, he is great, either doing quizzes and crosswords with her or playing on the nursing home Wii(yes!), which she and the others there love to watch.

Young Col

Well-Known Member
Yes, I'm sorry too Zoot. Sadly as one gets older these events happen more often as not only parents but also old work colleagues and other friends die. My father-in-law and my own mother were both in nursing homes for some time and despite the good care they were not easy times.
I have been asked to do several eulogies now and I actually find it cathartic to write and read them at the funeral service. The most recent was last year for my oldest friend, of 57 years. I almost enjoyed recounting my own and others' anecdotes of the better part of his life, as it had been beset with health and personal problems in recent years. I thought he deserved the best we could give him at his departure.

Nick Cook

Sorry to hear of your loss Zoot. Condolences.

My dad died when I was just seven - I still miss him nearly 50 years later. (Ha, I accidentally typed 'tears' there - most appropriate!)


hi zoot
i can say i do know what you are going through my father died of liver cancer ,i watched slowly wasting away until he was a like some one from belson, it broke my heart to watch him go that way, it is not easy to see happen.
it takes time to try to understand as it does not make a lot of sense .
all the best

Nick Wyver

Sorry to hear that, Zoot.

My mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia last November too. After 4 months in hospitals she's now in a care home 15 mins walk away from me, so I see her pretty often. It's very sad to see the mind of an intelligent woman gradually disappearing.
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