Yea its a long 1.I agree its abit stretched out.TAKE THE HORN OUT YOUR MOUTH springs to mind.Its a great tune to blow on and i kept them little bridge parts in.The original is just a 1 chord vamp.That great bridge really opens up your choice of stuff to add.Composition is a true art form in its self for sure.Not my bag but have plans on trying more brave stuff when i can geat more advanced at it which will be a while for sure.As you know I really liked the first take and I like this one as well. It's a great sax player's piece and EH was the man. Took some Cajones to twist the head, but it works. Great improvisations all the way through with exquisite use of altissimo with tone and control. As much as I liked the end on the first take, this one went on too long for my taste. As a separate piece/exercise it would have stood alone well, but after a minute stopped relating to the original. Worked best when it was less conscious (if that makes sense?).
What always make your playing work for me is your sense of timing, conviction (with every note played with intent and intensity), and of course that wonderful tone. All the elements for sound are there. That leaves the element of composition, which you've mostly mastered, but could probably quickly improve by being more critical of your own work (IMHO).