Diary of a Sax addict pt 2


Diary of a Sax addict – part 2

It was some days later following my “up close and personal” encounter with my mates horn (see part one), and after having a few lessons with the gentleman pro of who’s acquaintance I had now made; I decided to play a little trick on my mate.

…I hadn’t told anyone about my new found interest, not even my wife, who I’m sure could have taken it the wrong way. You see I had just got over spine surgery, nothing too major, just a prolapsed disc, my second one even. However, being off work, and having some weeks of rest in front of me, I didn’t want to vegetate in front of the TV, and had decided to do something that I always had wanted to do, but never seemed to have the time for. Music!... play an instrument that is. It just seemed such a coincidence that my friend had whipped out his old sax which indeed seemed to me like it may have been a message from the heavens… PLAY THE SAX said the big voice! Who am I to argue?

So, not wanting to be ridiculed, I decided to get a horn, see a pro, and do it with him in private so to speak! I seemed to pick it up really quick, then again I was playing on it five or six hours a day! It’s a wonder my wife didn’t catch on, I looked for the most part like Lesley Ash after the lip collagen incident!
As soon as the wife had gone off to work (bless her… keeping me in the life to which I was growing accustomed too!), well, I would whip out my horn and play with it until my fingers hurt! Actually it was more the ‘lip’ thing, but you know what I mean.

A week or so later, my mate (the one who had gotten me started on this path to ruination) came a knockin’ along with another friend, wanting to take me to the local pub for a jar or three of falling down juice. Okay, so that’s when I hatched my plan…. Well just a little joke really. As the second empty flagon was on its way to the refill station, I said hey, guess what I’m doing while the wife’s at work! Well, you wouldn’t believe the response I got from that remark, but hey what do you expect from a couple of “half cut” mates when you hand them that sort of ammunition. No I said, not that at all….. I’m learning the to play the Sax. Bloody hell says mate one, so you’ve bought a Sax have you? The other one just sitting there grinning like Garfield (that’s why I kept it a secret in the first place…. blinkin’ luddites) No I said, I have a stick and a good “teach ya’self the sax” book. WHAT!!! Came the bemused reply. Say again! I repeated, I have a stick and a good “teach ya’self the sax” book. What the heck you talkin’ about???... Well I said, I thought I would get a book first, you know so I could have a read up on the Sax an all, then maybe I could get one later, but after I got the book, it looked quite easy, so I decided to get a long stick, paint on it all the keys, just where they would be, I mean if it was a real sax, and I could sort of dry practice, and learn without annoying the neighbours, and also I’ve save me’self a packet, I mean have you seen the cost of saxophones????

Well there was a slight pause, they both looked at each other and just erupted. The beer flowed everywhere, I thought mate number two would surely have been on for a cardiac arrest…., meanwhile, I sat there stone faced, asking what the problem was. I said it can’t be that hard, I mean the book wasn’t cheap, and it goes into great detail, and all I have to do is follow it, and I can fake the actual blowing bit surely!

All I can say is that I got the worse ribbing of my life, of course which I expected (ha ha I thought, I have you both hooked now….. revenge will be mine).

A few months later, and after enjoying repeated ribbing and various jibes about my unorthodox teach thyself sax tutorage methods my mate had one of his ‘special’ party’s again. (Remember from my first scribbles, the one where he whipped out his horn and had me fondle it?) So, my time was nearing, the trap had been well and truly set, taking but a short few months.

The Party
The beer was flowing, the chitter chatter was warm and friendly, and dare I say again, there was a little sweet something in the air……… hey says my mate, how’s the sax lessons coming along? (big daft grin on his face) Oh easy peasy… I’m breezing through it! said I. He started to laugh out loud, and started telling the others how I was trying to learn the sax by playing a wooden stick with painted keys, and a teach yourself book……. Well, there was uproar, all in good spirit obviously. I suggested my mate get his sax out and show me how to play properly, so off he went. At this point I must say that he plays Accordion, and is quite good. Even plays in a folk group at weddings and the like. Anyway, he told me he did learn a bit on the sax, but years ago, and was lets say “rusty” at best.

Okay, found it! So, he starts to blow, once again sounding like a small creature caught in a trap buy its testicles. He tried wetting the reed a little (in his beer), tried again, managed a few poor notes, and gave up. Here he said with a drunken grin, you have a f’kin’ go!!! I said okay, but it looks bigger than the stick I’m used to. (laughs)

So, I picked it up and started to blow, and indeed it was a different thing altogether from what I was used to, being a old and knackered C Melody, but after a minute or so I got into it, and he looked dumfounded! I said I felt embarrassed now, but I would practice in the other room (adjoining with slightly opened door), so I took the sax into the next room, promptly put it down and discretely picked up MY sax which I had secreted there previously, with the help of my wife, whom by now I had taken into my confidence.

A few blows later and I was off…….. nothing special, but managing to rip up ‘n’ down a few blues scales then into The Pink Panther, albeit on Alto which what was not bad for a guy who had only been playing for a few months……… five hours a day! Anyway, the chitter chatter just completely died, and when I returned there was near silence!! A look of sheer astonishment on the faces of the disbelievers, it was a picture indeed. To top it all ‘his’ wife just blurted out “WOW Kev plays better that you ever did!”…. not wanting that comment to go to waste, I handed back the (his) sax to my mate, sniffed nonchalantly and said……… bloody easier than I thought that is…. Anyway I’m getting another book and another stick next week………… gonna’ have me a bash at the violin (making gestures like a fiddler).
Place erupted......................!

One of the best jokes I think I’ve ever played!:D


Busking Oracle
I don't know why people laugh at you, I've been practicing the French Horn on my sons BMX for years....I'm up to grade 6 according to the book! :mad:

Great story though ;}

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