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Can this be true?


Senior Member
Hi forum members I know many of you like to be kept up to date as to what’s happening at National Enquirer HQ. Therefore I have a rather disturbing incident to report which I hope will not quell your eagerly anticipated festive arrangements.

A letter was received signed anonymous and postmarked Boca Chica Key purporting to have intelligence that a resident of Big Pine Key a Mr. Hiram C. Picinpah had caught and domesticated an alligator of some fourteen foot in length and was about to offer rides to tourists in and around the Blue Hole Quarry Lake on the said beasts back.

Reporter Harald Zan (Wildlife and Conservation coverage.) was immediately dispatched to investigate. The only communication received since he reached his destination from TarZan (nickname.) was an Email `Will be riding the Great Gatorsby tomorrow morning plus a scanned copy of an expenses claim together with a receipt from Wendys (Key West) in reference to a To go pack of Chilli Cheese Fries.(attachment.)

Several days then elapsed without further communication.

A junior hack was sent to Big Pine Key to investigate and within a day sent back this missive.

‘ Spoke to Mr Picinpah who received me together with his son Abner on the stoop of their lean to at the lakes edge.

Both denied knowledge of having ever met Harry Zan and were eager to show me the alligator tethered to a mooring post. The beast eyed me and rather disturbingly gave what can only be described as a carnivorial lick of the lips. I noticed that the animals teeth and gums had a definite pinkish tinge about them.

Abner put this down to a rather inferior brand of floss used when he performed his weekly dental hygiene ablutions upon Gatorsby. I suggested rather delicately this must be difficult having only one arm, Abner muttered “Yo” and puffed vigorously on his stogie.

This reporter is rather perplexed and a little uneasy about the whole situation particularly as Mr Picinpah was wearing a rather ill fitting Brooks Brothers Madison Plaid Jacket over his bib and tuck denim coveralls en-route to his weekly line dance session. More to follow.

Strange Eh. Best Regards The NE lives. N.
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Senior Member
Whatever is the National Enquirer Health and Safety Department thinking of to allow one of their scribes to venture into such a potentially hazardous environment without being suitable garbed in jockstrap, top hat and spats?

I know we shouldn't encourage you but I, for one, believe every word of it although I would respectfully suggest that you follow my example and take more water with it. The sequel to this particular episode is eagerly awaited, but I would attach more credence if you undertook subsequent investigations in person so that we can have genuine eye-witness reports without having to rely on the exaggerated scribblings of an NE staffer trying to justify his expenses.



Well-Known Member
I don't see how it can be either true or false. I didn't understand a !£$%^&* word of it!


Busking Oracle
Unfortunately I have been advised to cancel my subscription to the said "NE" following an incident where a paper cut was received. The advice to only read said publication whilst wearing chainmail gauntlets did prove somewhat good advice, but made it a little tricky to remove said publication from the plastic rapping that it was delivered in!
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