Not knowing the situation personally, I can only offer advice based on my experiences.
Over the years, there have been several times where friends have been worried about my alcohol intake, and at one time, an "intervention" was staged.
It was not helped by the fact that 3 or 4 nights a week I'd be playing gigs at parties or licensed venues, although as I got older, that became one or two gigs most weeks. I worked it out on stage, no alcohol before a gig, one beer per set, no more than 4 beers before we finished playing, but after was still a problem.
I've never felt like abstinence is dealing with a problem, it's more like putting off dealing with it indefinitely. I've been to AA meetings, a bunch of people sitting around reliving "the bad, good old days" by telling each other stories about how drunk they used to get seems like a strange way to forget that they want a drink. In fact, it makes you feel more like drinking, twice I've gone through the drive through bottle shop on the way home from a meeting! The take home message from AA is it's not how much you drink, it's how much it negatively impacts your life that matters.
Once, without telling anyone, I decided that I wouldn't drink for 6 months, and marked it on the calendar. My wife was always hassling me about drinking, and while I was drinking, it was causing problems in our relationship, so I thought I'd see if I could quit cold turkey and go 6 months without it. About 2 months in, she had a go at me, "it's alright for you, getting drunk every night!". She hadn't even noticed when "the biggest problem in our relationship" stopped! Sometimes alcohol is a problem because of others' perceptions!
So here's the strategies that have helped me, and a friend of mine with the same problem.
- Make a pact with yourself, you will never drink something you don't like the taste of just for the alcohol.
- Avoid spirits, it's too easy to hit the point of no return with spirits, especially if you mix your own. If spirits are your thing, buy pre-mixed cans so that they stay the same strength and don't get stronger as the session progresses. It's more expensive, but you're limiting your intake, so it evens out.
- If you regularly go out to drink, pick someone who drinks all night, but doesn't wind up a blind drunk mess at the end of the night. Don't tell them, but pace yourself by following their intake. You can't have another drink until they do. This strategy helped me immensely in my 20s, and I'll still use it when I'm out with my family and friends.
- At home, limit your intake by simply limiting how much alcohol is available in the house. For me, that meant buying 5 longnecks (big bottles of beer, two regular bottles in each) every second night. So at worst, I've had 10 beers. My friend liked bourbon, so he would by a limited number of pre-mixed cans rather than a bottle. There's no other alcohol available, and I can't drive anywhere to get more. This may not be the situation for everyone, it might take willpower, or perhaps supervision to not go out and get more alcohol.
Psychologically, this works for me, I know when the alcohol will run out, and I'm mentally prepared for it. If there's a lot of alcohol when you start drinking, it can be a shock when you open the fridge and there's none left. You're not ready for it mentally, and you probably will find a way to get more because you weren't prepared to stop drinking yet. You'll also probably accuse people of drinking it or hiding it from you. Unfortunately, you're often right, well meaning people will often hide your alcohol, causing you to get irate. They'll deny it, but you'll find it hidden somewhere the next day and know that you were right. This does not help!
- For most people, there are triggers, for me, it's the time of day. I find it very hard to drive past a bottle shop between 3 and 4 in the afternoon, so I'd avoid doing that on days I didn't want to drink. If I make it until 5pm, I'm over the danger period and beer is forgotten. Identifying and avoiding your triggers is a big part of learning to control your drinking.
Abstinence and going cold turkey is a scary thing, people really have to be mentally ready for it, trying to do it for others is rarely going to work. Control however, is something you're more likely to agree to, and a much more reasonable goal.
It's taken 30 years, but now, finally, I can buy a carton of beer and just drink 4 or 5 before dinner!
I've written this in the hopes that it'll help someone else manage alcohol, but also as therapy for me, talking to someone honestly, without fear of being judged, is a good strategy too.
As I said though, I don't know your friend, I don't know their situation, but perhaps some of these methods might be a more agreeable start to controlling their drinking, and perhaps prepare them for abstinence if that is deemed the best course of action.
Best of luck with it all, I hope things get better for your friend.
