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A little musical humour

old git

Tremendous Bore
Messages
5,545
Where's the alto and tenor clef?

It is this dismissive attitude to the less known clefs and persons that will cause the next World War.

Go and commit suicide immediately.

Apologies for being serious.
 

Young Col

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,419
The alto was a bit shrill and nobody listened, but no-one liked the tenor of the meeting anyway.
 

rudjarl

Senile Member. Scandinavian Ambassadour of CaSLM
Messages
657
Where's the alto and tenor clef?
Tssk, tssk, tssk... Your logic is flawed sir. Asking for alto or tenor clefs when they both, in fact, are c clefs (or possibly both c and f on the tenors account). It's just a matter of where you put them on the staff. Just like the trebble clef could easily have been a french violin clef and thereby ruined the joke.
 

Tenor Viol

Full of frets in North Shropshire
Subscriber
Messages
5,946
Tssk, tssk, tssk... Your logic is flawed sir. Asking for alto or tenor clefs when they both, in fact, are c clefs (or possibly both c and f on the tenors account). It's just a matter of where you put them on the staff. Just like the trebble clef could easily have been a french violin clef and thereby ruined the joke.
Ho!:)))

Some items I found recently and put in a choir newsletter:

Did you hear about the bassist who was so out of tune his section noticed?

"What is the difference between a savings bond and a musician?"
"The savings bond matures and usually earns money."


"What do you call someone who hangs out with a group of musicians?"
"A drummer."





 

Taz

Busking Oracle
Messages
3,662
I recently found my bass player crying at the back of the stage,
"What's wrong?" I asked
"The guitarist has de tuned my bass, and he won't tell me which string it is!"
 

Taz

Busking Oracle
Messages
3,662
How can you tell there's a vocalist at your door?








He keeps knocking but doesn't know when to come in!
 

Saxlicker

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,933
iHurt humour

iHurt humour

It all started when my wife got me an iPod for our anniversary.

The following year on my birthday she got me an iPhone.

This christmas she got me an iPad


This year I thought i'd do my best to surprise her....
I bought her an iRon
Screen shot 2012-02-02 at 20.36.57.jpg

It was around then that the fighting started
I should be out of hospital next week.
 

old git

Tremendous Bore
Messages
5,545
How dare you mock our great passion...............

Sorry, thought I was on "Dogging Weekly".
 

jbtsax

Well-Known Member
Subscriber
Messages
8,011
The folk banjo player Woody Guthrie was asked once if he could read music. He replied "not enough to hurt my playing".

You can always tell the trombone player's child on the playground. He does ok on the slide, but doesn't know how to swing.
 

jbtsax

Well-Known Member
Subscriber
Messages
8,011
The man's son wanted to learn to play the bass, so the father bought him one and got him some lessons. After the first lesson the father asked, "what did you learn in your lesson?". The boy replied, "how to play E". A week went by and after the second lesson the father asked him the same question. The boy answered, "I learned to play A". The following week the boy said "I learned D". A week later the boy said, "I leaned how to play G". The next week the father asked, what he learned in that week's lesson. The boy replied, "I'm not taking lessons anymore---I've got a gig".
 

old git

Tremendous Bore
Messages
5,545
Even humour should have a truthful base and as such need to point out that Woody Guthrie played guitar.

However the Big Yin is a pretty good banjo picker and he's funny enough for anybody.

To repeat (yet again) my favourite:- You can tell the stage is level when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth.
 

jbtsax

Well-Known Member
Subscriber
Messages
8,011
You are right old git Woody did play the guitar. Maybe I was thinking of Pete Seeger.

The difference between a seamstress and a piccolo player. The seamstress tucks up the frills.
The difference between a bull and an orchestra. The bull has the horns in the front and the a** at the back.
 

Jules

Formerly known as "nachoman"
Messages
4,628
(To be delivered in a Northern accent)

"Doctor doctor, I've just swallowed a trombone!"

"How odd, there was a woman in a while ago who'd just swallowed a mouth organ"

"Aye, that was 'Ar monica......"

Boom boom!!
 

Tenor Viol

Full of frets in North Shropshire
Subscriber
Messages
5,946
This is I believe an American one (credited at the end)

Three notes walk into a bar...

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't
serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth
between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out
flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A
D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me.
I'll just be a second."

Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this
relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and
exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar
tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a
3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a
nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp
tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything
else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution
of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale
correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any
wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are
bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons,
and the sopranout in the bathroom, everything has become altoo much treble;
he needs a rest, and closes the bar.
...courtesy of Erich Wolz.
 

Moz

Senior Member
Messages
855
What is the difference between a tenor sax solo and a bottomless pit?

At some point, there is always the chance that the bottomless pit might come to an end.
 
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