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A little light relief!


Busking Oracle
Is this true or not? I'll let you decide but I thought it was very funny!

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a 'Gripe Sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems and document their repairs on the form; the pilots then review the Gripe Sheet before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints, submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P), and the solutions (marked with an S) recorded by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

P: The autopilot doesn't.

P: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
S: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

P: Pilot's clock inoperative.
S: Wound clock.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: 3 roaches in cabin.
S: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

P: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
S: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

P: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
S: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

P: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
S: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

P: Whining sound heard on #2 engine shutdown.
S: Pilot removed from aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Funny sounds from behind instrument panel.
S: Installed non-funny sounds.

P: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
S: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

P: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
S: Fresh seat cushion on order.

P: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
S: Ground checks OK.

P: Weather radar went ape!
S: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess.

And this one from a pilot instructor who ejected from a military trainer aircraft:
P: Reason for emergency eject: Landing gear would not retract
S: Aircraft had fixed landing gear. Aircraft written off.


Well-Known Member
Then there is the one about sending the noobie mech to find the bucket of propwash in the hanger.

The actual name for the sheet is the "snag sheet" and most of t hose comments are factual but taken a bit out of context. In our smallish bush airline there were a few snotty comments.


Senior Member
Not a yarn and not from the National Enquirer.

Back in the seventies I did a stint in the Sudan (Khartoum) and got very friendly with the pilots and crew of their national airline which consisted of 1 707. and an assortment of prop planes etc.

Flying into Khartoum from London one day I was informed by the flight engineer because we used to drink together on his R and R days that an engine cowling had fallen off on our approach to the landing strip but no problem. The said cowling fell into the recreation area of the local prison. One other little bit of information amusing but alarming the ground engineer at Khartoum would walkie talk to the second officer just before landing to arrange the safe traffic of booze through the customs area. This particularly used to amuse me for the parties which were held nearly every night were referred to as a `Crash ` I would hasten to add the participants of said crashes were not flying for at least 48 hours. Great times all expat crews seconded from a very well known UK airline.
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